It's almost 3:30 am. We're supposed to be at the airport in 2 hours, so we're leaving here in one hour. JAMAICA BABY!!! I want lots and lots of eprops when I get back, ya hear? HIGH FIVE ME BABY!



And Happy 2005.

I had a very good Christmas, we got a little bit more snow but yeah. I love the snow but I'm not a fan of the cold that comes with it. Instead of cold I typed cod because my mom's keyboard is kinda hard to use. Cod. I like cod. But not cold.

According to weather.com, currently:

St. Joseph, Michigan - 17 degrees, feels like 7
Montego Bay, Jamaica - 79 degrees, feels like 84

2 more days....

Jamaican sun, here I come! YAY for getting sunburns on places that haven't seen the sun in 4 months.

Well it's Christmas Day. Merry Christmas if you're reading this. YAY! It's a green-speckled Christmas here, meaning it's a white Christmas but the grass is still poking out of the snow. I don't really feel like typing a lot so maybe I'll update Monday when I have DSL again back at school before I head out to Jamaica. Woot.

Wow. I love finals week. So Monday after all my finals and stuff (Mbito was a donkey again) I was bored and so Jen Ervin and I went to Thasher's apartment in the evening and we played Beyond Balderdash. Then Thrasher, Ervin and I went to Fronck's and played Amplitude and then put in the first disc of the LOTR Fellowship. When the disc was over we started the 2nd disc but the stopped to go get "tubs o caffeine" (Rickers 59? cent HUGE cup of pop) and came back and played amplitude and then posted on Ravenet (insane posting making fun of an annoying poster) until 5 am. Then we talked until 6 am and then Thrasher and I went to Steak n Shake for breakfast, I got home at 7, changed into my pajama's, drove other roommate (stacy) to her 7:40 final, and then took a 3 hour nap on the couch. Then.... Thrasher came over and we watched the 2nd disc of fellowship and then we ate dinner and stuff and (side note I just found out some students talked Junutalo - the Dean who is over Mbito THANK GOD!) then I don't remember but we watched SNL Best of Molly Shannon, watched Superstar, CSI from last week and had fun! And I did the worst job ever on a take home final because I DON'T CARE. the end. moses. oh and rock rock on.

Lyric of the day: "Oh Holy night" - Yeah so that was dumb but there's a GREAT meledy of Oh Holy Night, Silent Night, and O Come All Ye Faithful that Hanson does

Currently Playing
Snowed In
By Hanson
- Run, Run Rudolph

I kind of have a busy day coming up today. I have church in an hour or so, and then when I get back (around 1) I need to call this guy in my group project, make a quick change to my portion and email it to him, and then L'ami is going to the nursin home to sing Christmas carols. Then when I come home I need to clean and cook cheese fondue for the progressive dinner at five. We're having cheese and bread for appetizers and playing a game (still don't know which one), then we're going to Denise's for salad and a white elephant exchange, then Swa's for lasagna and apples to apples (the best game ever, but it's never the same without Swa), and then Brett and Sarah's for desert and another game. So yay for that! I'm sure I'll have fun stories for all.

Two finals tomorrow.

Lyric of the day: "Said Santa to a girl child 'What would please you most to get?' 'A little baby doll that can cry sleep drink and wet.'" - Run, Run Rudolph(the non-Hanson version can be heard on Home Alone when they're running through the airport. Funtime. Okay, chill.)

Currently Playing
Snowed In
By Hanson
- Everybody Knows The Clause

Today = lazy

The end.

Lyric of the day: "Don't forget the donuts." - Everybody Knows The Clause, Hanson

I searched everywhere for a copy of this song that I could have playing on my xanga, but I didn't find it. So I'm going to have to settle with just putting the lyrics up here. This is a BEAUTIFUL song that made my whole HBSE class cry today. We've been talking about death and dying the past couple weeks, and it doesn't help that a girl in the class lost her grandpa over t-day break and that a girl in the department got killed... I already talked about that. But Lindsay (the girl who's grandpa died) told us what happened. She said that he had been diagnosed with cancer and that it had already spread pretty bad and there was nothing they could do. He said he was uncomfortable, but that as soon as he started to feel pain he wanted to die. Up to this point he did not feel pain. She said that the whole family was there Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) and that after that day he started to feel pain. All day Thursday he was moaning and talking about how all he wanted was to die and to see his wife again (she had died 3 or 4 years ago). It's amazing how God created the body to know when it's time to go - he had the perfect closure, seeing the whole family. Thursday night/Friday morning, 12:18 am he passed away. Right before he passed away she said he was raising his arms and she thought it was because he was going to throw up (again) and wanted a bucket, but the last time he raised his arms he said "Hi, honey." - as though he saw his wife, and I believe that he did. So the whole class was crying at this point. Then Lisa (our prof) was talking about Annie's memorial and how her (Lisa's) daughter (Morgan, who's 11) didn't blow out the candle when everyone else did. She waited, and then finally blew it out. When they got in the car to go home, Morgan told her (and Lisa was crying at this point) that she didn't want to blow out the candle because she felt like she was blowing out the last of Annie's life. But then, finally she did blow it out and when she saw the smoke rise she realized that it was like Annie's spirit filling the room. Then one girl had to leave the class and get a box of tissues to pass around, and Lisa played us this song, and I think it is so beautiful, like I said. I think I want this played at my funeral. We talked about how society views death, and that as Christians we need to realize that no, God's original plan was not for us to die. But sin was brought into the world and so bad things happen, including death. It's not that God just says, "oh I want Annie up here now" - it's just that we simply live in a fallen world. But at the same time, as Christians, we should long for our home, where we belong. I didn't know Annie, I didn't know Lindsay's grandpa, and I have never really lost anyone close to me, but I feel like death is all around me lately. Just a few days after all this happened, I was in Thrasher's apartment and apparently when I went to the bathroom the TV (that she had just turned off) turned back on and it was a televangelist saying "live each day as though it's your last". Then the next day Jen Ervin and I were in the computer lab and Jeremiah started searching people's names at images.google.com and Jen typed in her last name, and a tombstone came up. Then we went to the funeral home in class on Friday last week, and now this discussion. It's just so real that I could die any moment, it doesn't matter how healthy or young I am, accidents happen. My grandma's last living sibling is in really bad shape, and HER daughter-in-law has cancer and isn't expected to live long. Over break my mom was talking about how next Thanksgiving there might be less people there, and it's sad to think about, but it's so true. We take life for granted. So anyway, here's this song, and in case I die before any of you guys, this is what I want at my funeral, it's so beautiful, I know I keep saying that, but I just really wish you could hear it instead of just reading the lyrics.

"Rita" by Bebo Norman -

Lay down softly in our sorrow
Lay down sister to die
And cover over, my sweet Father
Cover over her eyes

Your broken body, it cannot weather
The years your youth still longs to spend
So go down graceful, sleep with the angels
And wake up whole again

‘Cause it was not your time; that's a useless line
A fallen world took your life

But the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, sister, lay down

Slower passing are the hours
To tell this tale that takes its time
But the finest moment, no man can measure
Is to look your Savior in the eyes

So take her tender to Your table
Take her from this killing floor
To taste the water that is forever
Let her be thirsty no more

It was not her time; that's a useless line
A fallen world took her life

But the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, sister, lay down

And the God that sometimes can't be found
Will wrap Himself around you
So lay down, Rita, lay down

Yay for last night. Self-defense and boobie talk with DeeDee, Thrasher and the Ervinator. And the virgin show, too. Hmm... so I don't really know what to write in here except that today is my last day of classes, PRAISE JESUS! I have 3 finals and a take-home final next week, and then I'm DONE! And I get to take Spitty home, so yay. We had fun on the way home for Thanksgiving. Woot!

Lyric of the Day: "Do you really remember how it used to be Sitting under the Christmas tree In your heart you'll Find the season O reach down inside your heart And see all the love O in your heart you'll Find the reason" - Christmas Time, Hanson

"I have a problem with you saying, 'everbody.' Everybody would be 95% of the class."
"You can't bombarde my office, I can't have all of you in here at once."
"You can't ask that!"
"Did you email the WHOLE class? I don't think so"
"Did you convince anybody? I don't think so, nice try."

Something needs to happen to Dr. Mbito. Something bad.

Oh man. Yesterday was insane. But I had a blast having my whole AUCME team over for dinner - yay for that! Twelve people in a tiny apartment, woohoo! Tif and Jenna cooked lasagna, garlic bread, some sort of chocolate cake, and we had salad too. It was all very yummy. And we made the boys wash the dishes, and Jenna warned me that I might want to re-wash them all hahaha. We had a white elephant - I gave away that dumb picture of the Jelly Belly and the VW Bug I've had since high school, and I got a 97 cent thesauras (spelling?) and a broken candle from candles and carols. hahahaha go Nathaneal! And Amber got a glass eggplant, thanks to Kip, but she didn't want it, so I gave that as my gift at the L'amifidel/Novus Dux christmas party white elephant thingy later last night. And I'm not telling what I got there because it will be my gift at Denise's during the progressive dinner.

Also, at Lami we revealed our secret sisters. We drew names at the beginning of the semester and we prayed for that person and were supposed to send them stuff in campus mail, but all of us only sent like one thing hahaha. But we gave them a little Christmas gift. I had Andrea and I gave her a magnent with a inspirational quote on it. It was hard, because I don't have $ and I don't know her that well, so it came from the bookstore. Oh well. Side note - my period on the keyboard (not my menstration) doesn't work very well. Now I just popped it off and cleaned underneath it, it was nast. Anyone know a good way to clean the whole keyboard? And the LCD screen? Anyway, Crystal had my name and she made this awesome box that she decopaged (spelling?) fall-colored paper and leaves to, knowing that I love fall. And there are too coffee mugs that are fallish with leaves and stuff on them. And she gave me TONS of candy, including dark chocolate, which, yes, I love. There's also Sweetarts, starburst, carmel-apple suckers and laffy taffy. Go Crystal!

Umm... that's the end. Except that I want today to end. And this week. Finals week is gonna be soooo much easier than this week!

Currently Playing
Snowed In
By Hanson
- Little Saint Nick

Wow. It's amazing how God works everything out to perfectly fall into place. For my Chritian Ministry major I need to either take The Community of Faith in an Urban Culture (the class I have an interest meeting for this week) or do an internship. The class is a week of book work here in Anderson, a week in Washington D.C. and a week in New York City - I've been wanting to go on that trip since Freshman year, but it's only offered ever other summer. So... this summer I'm all over it! But at the same time I have wanted an internship experience. I talked to my youth pastor at home (Jim) about it last year to do it over this past summer, but it never happened. But... Mercy House is starting an internship program. I didn't know anything about it at all, so I emailed Matt (the pastor) and asked him for more details, but he just said that there weren't any details, and just wanted to know what academic requirements I would need to fill and what I would want to be doing. I don't really know the answer to either. I emailed Dr. Shively, my advisor, about the first part and I need to think about the second part. But yeah... so then in church yesterday he made an announcement about how they think the internship program would go. It wouldn't be just one or two people, it'd be whoever wanted to. He said the church would sublease two houses, one for guys and one for girls, and we would live together and we'd all meet together Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then we could use the other days to have a part time job if we needed (so I don't know if that means the internship isn't paid or if it means if we would need extra money). And we'd be learning whatever we needed to learn and do whatever we need to do. So yeah. That's so awesome. So then I started thinking about how maybe that would interfer with the summer classes I'm taking (I'll also take Greek). So I emailed Matt about that and he said that they could work around it. This is so exciting! God is so faithful!

Lyric of the day: "Well way up north where the air gets cold There's a tale about Christmas that we've all been told About a real famous guy all dressed up in red And he spends the whole year workin' out on his sled He's little Saint Nick" - Little Saint Nick, originally by Beach Boys

Currently Playing
Snowed In
By Hanson
- What Chirstmas Means To Me

Wow. Okay. So. Friday...? I don't think I posted and basically I spend the day with Thrasher and Mel, and then Ervin joined. We went to Wal-Mart, and then to Old Navy (yay for visiting roommate!) and then we went to CiCi's Pizza (it's $5 including the drink and it's an all-you-can-eat buffet). Then we went to Mel's and we watched Chicago and then we made noises like "Oh ho da" and watched Men In Tights while playing Perfect Wedding - a cheesy 80's game for little girls. And then Saturday happened....

I went to bed Friday night around 2 am Saturday, and I was supposed to be in the Reardon parking lot before 7 am ready to go to Chicago on the charter bus for a shopping trip. I set my alarm for 5:30 and it NEVER went off (even DeeDee agrees it never went off). So I wake up, and I hear the dumpster being emptied, and usually when I hear that it's 2 or 3 am so I'm thinking "that can't be right, I went to bed at 2" and so I looked at the clock and it was 7:07. I started freaking out. I flew out of bed and grabbed my cell and was trying to call Thrasher (who was also going on the trip) but I wasn't connecting, then my apartment phone rang and it was Mel (who also went) and so I told her what happened and so they held the bus for me and I have NEVER moved that fast in the morning. Hahaha I threw my pajama's off and my clothes on, grabbed my keys, purse, and knitting and ran out the door and drove over there.

So after four hours in the bus (we watched "White Christmas" and "Miracle on 34th Street" - the original) we were dropped off at Water Tower Place and had the rest of the day to do whatever we wanted. So first we walked into a little choclate shop and got a free sample of their peppermint bark. Then we went about 45 minutes south of Water Tower - no where near where anyone else from our group went - and ate at a little Thai restaraunt for lunch - looooove Thai food. Then we walked around some more and found Millenium Park - a new park that was just built in July and it was pretty cool - went down close to the beach and pointed in the general direction of my home. Then.... we walked around some more and went down random streets and went into a few stores, but none of us had money to buy anything. We went back into Water Tower Place and looked around a little bit, then we went into Border's just to sit down, on the floor, because that was the only place around where we could sit (not even in the mall). Then we went to Giradono's pizza and waited about an hour and got some of the best pizza in the world. Then we went back to the chocolate place and got some Hot Chocolate and wow - it was such a waste of money. It didn't taste any different than any mix you can buy at the store - I was expecting more of the amazing Hot Chocolate that Pishy and I got in shot-form from the Chocolate Cafe. So... poop on that. Then we went back to Water Tower where we were supposed to be picked up and had the LONGEST drive ever back (watched "Elf" which I fell asleep during b/c I was tired so I need to see it again and "It's A Wonderful Life" and I did the same thing too and I've never seen that all the way through either).

The end.

Lyric of the day: "I feel like running wild Lord's angels and a little child
I caught you underneath the mistletoe I kiss you twice and then some more
I wish you merry Christmas baby And a happy, happy new year" - What Christmas Means To Me, NOT originally by Hanson, but in this case, it's Hanson

Currently Playing
Snowed In
By Hanson
- Merry Christmas Baby

Yesterday was pretty fun. I went to class, blah. And Stacy's brother was/is here, he's 17 and not at all like Stacy. He's a funny kid. There's this AIM robot you can talk to where it automatically responds with stuff, and the screenname is Santa Claus and I told him that he was fat or something like that and he said "That's a lump of coal for you" and Greg (stacy's brother) said "Tell him to take the lump of coal and shove it" - something Stacy would NEVER say (and for the record, yes I said that, and he just gave me more coal). I went down to Franchesca's apartment and Melissa Kae came over and we watched 13 Going on 30 - good movie, and Mad TV and Life As We Know It (a show that Franchesca, Stacy and I are addicted to) then more hanging out with roommates and the end. Today one of my classes we're just doing group work, another we're having a not-so-surprise surprise baby shower for a girl in our class ("Project Code 9") because it's a parenting class, and then my other class we're going on a field trip to the funeral home, so easy day ahead. And tomorrow I'm leaving at 7 am for an all-day shopping trip in Chicago with Thrahser and MELISSA KAE better go too! We're goin' via charter bus which means I can knit the whole way there and back, and we'll be watching Christmas movies. Woohoo!

Lyric of the day: "Santa came down the chimney, half past three. Left all 'em good old presents, for my baby and for me. Merry Christmas, baby, sure did treat me nice." - Merry Christmas Baby, originally by Otis Redding

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Man From Milwaukee

Okay so yesterday what happened.. hmmm... Classes. And.... I gave blood again. Then I went with Thrasher to get Papa Murphy's (VERY good!! VERY good pizza) and.... we watched Monty Python Life of Brian, Cool Runnings, and various TV. And.... I don't really know what else to say. Hm. AUwo sersh kfjdhfskhse.

Lyric of the day:"This is Mother Bird calling Baby Bird Baby Bird come in, come in Baby Bird For the love of Pete come in! This is Baby Bird...sorry I was watching Court TV Do you copy? Do you copy? Of course we copy...24 hours a day...in color" - Man From Milwaukee, Hanson

ahhh... gotta love bonus tracks

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Madeline

The Pomegranate.

One of my favorite fruits, especially this time of year. I was only introduced to this fruit two years ago by Krista's mom. Mmmmmmm good. The pomegranate is a fruit that originates from Iran and India, and was then introduce to Spain, which introduced it to California. It is grown on a shrub and "the nearly round, 2-1/2 to 5 in. wide fruit is crowned at the base by the prominent calyx. The tough, leathery skin or rind is typically yellow overlaid with light or deep pink or rich red. The interior is separated by membranous walls and white, spongy, bitter tissue into compartments packed with sacs filled with sweetly acid, juicy, red, pink or whitish pulp or aril. In each sac there is one angular, soft or hard seed"

I enjoy these very much.

There is also a few fake pomegranates in the lobby of the Stevensville, Michigan Baymont Inn, which are fun to throw at beaver and pig toys. Ahem. Pishy.

"Your lips are like a ribbon of scarlet. Oh, how beautiful your mouth! Your cheeks behind your veil are like pomegranate halves – lovely and delicious." - Song of Solomon 4:3, NLT

In other, less fruity news.... last night was a wonderful L'ami night where we discussed things about the club, what we liked and didn't like, and I think it went really well. Then after club Thrasher, Ervin and I went to Jen Lo Sasso's apartment (which is kind of scary) and threw rocks at her windows (this was around midnight) trying to get her attention - because her lights were on and she didn't answer the phone. Finally, she later told us, she heard "I see you" and was freaked out because at the time she was naked in the shower. Then I yelled "we're safe people. We're Jen, Holly, and Thrasher" and she heared "safe people... Holly" and realized who we were and peeked out of the window (that is in the shower) to tell us about her nakedness and showertime. She put on a towel and came downstairs to let us in and we all went to Steak n' Shake where we called random people, including Steak n' Shake itself and asked "Have you seen my Moses? It's short, and sometimes small. It's big, and sometimes not big. It's brown and fury and bald." good times. Then we went Meijer and looked at baby clothes and toys. Got home around 3:30, wasn't tired, went to bed at 4 and woke up at 7. Hehehe how nice.

Have YOU seen my Moses?

Lyric of the day: "I was empty inside but I just didn't know You are my ten thousand roses and I let you go Before I make the same mistake just hold me in your arms We belong you know it in your heart" - Hanson, Madeline

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- A Minute Without You

What a day. DeeDee (my wonderful roommate) is going through issues with her best friend right now, and it reminds me a lot of Melissa and I (not you MelissaKae, a different Melissa). A girl in a lot of my classes (Lindsey Schaefer if any of you know her), her grandpa passed away over break, but they knew it was going to happen soon, but it's still really sad. And then I found out from Jenna last night (and again in all my classes and via email from the Dean of Students) that a girl here at AU (Annie Carter) was killed Saturday in a car accident. She was a freshman and lived in Meyers Hall (the dorm I lived in last year). And I'm kinda friends with her roommate's sister. I guess she was driving and trying to stop for a yellow light and she slammed on her brakes, but the road was slippery and she crashed into a pole. She also worked in the Sociology department, which most of my classes are in, so I know at least one is cancelled Wednesday b/c the prof is going to her funeral. I guess Annie was an organ donor and her heart is going to a nine-year old boy who they didn't think was going to make it through the holidays. And all together her organs are going to 70 different people. It's so amazing how God formed us so that, even though we are all so unique, when one of us passes on and no longer needs these earthly bodies we can pass them on to someone else who needs them.

It's weird being on a small Christian campus. I don't really have a different campus to compare it to (other than LMC) but I feel like one of my extended family members is the one who died, and I didn't even know this girl. It's such a harsh reality of how short life is, but also of the glories that are beyond this earth.

Lyric of the day: "I can't keep myself from thinking about you It's because I love you, and I know that it's true. I'll call it desperation, can't you see it in my eyes? That I want be with you until the sun falls from the sky " - A Minute Without You

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- I Will Come To You -

Well... here's the run-down on my break. Which was great, just too short.

Tuesday - I had a BLAST singing Christmas songs the whole way home with Sara Spitters. Woohoo!!! I got home just in time for dinner, then afterwards Krista and I went to WalMart and got some yarn, then we went over to her house and knitted. Then around 10:30 pm we convinced Holly Pschigoda to come home then instead of Wednesday, which she did, and that was a good thing because

Wednesday - it snowed like crazy all day! Normally the first snow in Michigan is just some flurries that don't stick. This was like a mini blizzard and left us with like 6 inches. I spent almost all day at home doing laundry, then I met Holly, Chris, and Katie (who's engagement ring rocks, my future husband should meet her and take notes) at The Chapel's Thanksgiving service. I saw Blair (one of the pastors), Gina (his wife, who's pregnant belly is getting big!), and Sarah (along with Gina, my summertime small group leader), and others. It was wunderbar! Then Holly and I went to the Chocolate Cafe where I made my last post. Then we went to Krista's again and knitted some more. Woot.

Thursday - White Thanksgiving, booyah! Um... family + food = you know the rest. A little bit of knitting, too.

Friday - My mom and I put up the Christmas trees and other wintertime holiday decorations. Then I went over to Ryan's house and he, Ashlee, Kyle, Brooke and I ate some food, played Family Feud on DVD, Simpsons Uno, and Euchre. Then I went home and Holly came over and we knitted until 2 am.

Saturday - Holly came over and we had sandwhiches for lunch, then we went to her house and she showed me her way-rockin' early Christmas present - a drum set! And she taught me one rhythm pattern thingy whatever you call it. Then we went to the Baymont and yes, knitted. And talked to Katie. And saw Chris for like 1 minute. Then we went back to my house for dinner (chili mmmmm) then Krista came over and we watched Life is Beautiful (I LOVE that movie) then we went over to her house and knitted and made squirrel-shaped Christmas cookies, one of which ended up being named Mariah Carey. Yeah.

Today - woke up. Did some more Christmas decorations. Then my mom, my grandma, my brother and I went to the Pump House for brunch, which wasn't very good. At all. Everything was kinda overcooked and tasteless. Ah well. And I saw the Portices there. Yay for Abby's family, and my appoligies for not including that Abby, but look! I edited it! You didn't exactly mention seeing the Frees family either Then my mom, my Aunt Jan, and her daughter Kim and I all went to see Polar Express. BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER! (not really, but close!) Then I went home, packed, and got here where I need to go get my butt in gear and unpack and do homework. Ugh. 2 and a half weeks til Christmas break! Ha! (Then like 12 days until Jamaica, yeah baby!)

Lyric of the day: "We all need somebody we can turn to Someone who'll always understand So if you feel that your soul is dyin' And you need the strength to keep tryin' I'll reach out and take your hand " - I Will Come To You, Hanson

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Lucy

I want to inform you of my whereabouts.

I am typing one-handed, as I am sitting in an ice cream/coffee/chocolate shop in quaint downtown St. Joseph, MI (where there is a compter w/ free internet usage) and I am eating one of the world's best mint chip ice cream cones.

I look out the window and see several inches of beautiful, white fresh-fallen snow, none of which was here yesterday. It is the perfect snow for snowball making - I wish I could bring it back with me.

Lyric of the day: "Now I don't have anymore songs to sing 'Cause you were everything, everything to me I didn't realize I felt this way, until that day " - Lucy, Hanson

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Look At You

Yay! In 5 hours I will be driving home for Thanksgiving break. Hurray! I'm sooo ready. Although, this past weekend helped a lot, too. It was like a mini break of it's own. I won't be taking my computer home with me, so the only updates on here that will happen over break will be if I can get our family room computer to work, or if I use someone else's.

Anyway, last night was amazing! L'amifidel had our Thanksgiving dinner at Inge's house (Inge is our advisor, she is a spanish professor and I think she's from Brazil, and her parents are from Germany, or something). Anyway, she is AMAZING. We didn't have Thanksgiving food, we all brought something different and had stir-fry. I'm not a huge vegetable fan and so I didn't think I'd really like it but I LOVED it!!! We had sticky rice, chicken breasts (with some Brazillian spice that was amazing), green beans, sugar snap peas, peanuts, water chestnuts, broccoli, carrots, and red and green bell peppers. There might have been more too, but I don't remember. And homemade bread with homemade strawberry jam. And the world's best chocolate cake EVER!

And Melissa laughed, doing the goose and so then we laughed, and mocked her laugh, she laughed more.... I think 30 minutes later we were finally done laughing. Good times.

Then she needed to go to WalMart to get the U2 album, so we did.

The end.

Lyric of the day: "I was standing in the shadows wondering what I'm doing here Wishin' something would happen so that I could disappear" - Look At You, Hanson

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Yearbook

So Monday, huh? Well... I woke up at 11:20, despite having class before then. Oops. And a paper to turn in. Oops. Oh well, I got my homework done, turned my paper into Mbito's office, and went to my 1:00 class. And got a very, very late birthday card for my brother (hey, I haven't seen him okay?) and a Christmas present for two people. Woohoo!

Um... so last night after I posted on here I was talking to Jenna, Tif, and Scott and I was just really realizing how God is moving in our AUCME team. It's amazing. We're like our own little family.

Okay so any of you Hanson fans out there know that the song that comes next makes it very difficult for me to find a decent quote, but I did it!

Lyric of the Day: "More than sad, it makes me mad to know somebody knows. There's a lying in your silence...Sometimes I think I hear him calling out my name Sometimes I wonder if maybe we're to blame" - Yearbook, Hanson

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Where's the Love

Hmmm... so.... I don't know what to say except AUCME is awesome and I had a blast and I'm so glad I got to know everyone better. And Bible Study rocked tonight, except for the fact that my roommate got raptured and everyone else I know missed it. Yeah.

Lyric of the Day: "Dark clouds all around, lightning, rain pouring down Waiting for the bright light to break through" - Where's the Love, Hanson

HOLY CRAP FOR CRAP!!! How could I have TOTALLY forgotten what happened yesterday, until reading it in Mel's xanga? I'M AN IDIOT! Okay.

Melissa Kae, my wonderful and dear friend has MC'd for John Reuben several times in the past, and so she knows him on a personal level (I don't think I'm exaggerating too much, am I Mel?)

Well anyway. Mel and I (and others) are in this dumb-voice-mail war and yesterday she sent me a bunch of dumb ones. So I sent her one sayign they were too unoriginal. So then she called and said "I don't know what you'r talking about" and then I said "shut up, you whore" (which we affectionately call each other sometimes) and hung up. Then she called back, but didn't answer it. And I was in the middle of doing dishes so I didn't check the voice mail until later. And basically, what the voicemail said was that when she called she really did have something to tell me. John Reuben and his wife and KJ-52 were in town for a youth conference concert thing in Reardon. And they wanted her to go to dinner with them. And she, being the great friend that she is, asked if it was okay if she brought a good friend who was a big fan, and they said yes!!!! But, because I was dumb and didn't answer the phone, I missed it!!!!! But Mel ended up not going either b/c they went somewhere too expesnsive. And she tried getting me into the concert for free, too, but she couldn't.

Mel - I love you

John Reuben - I love you too, and I'll never hang up on Mel again. NEVER.

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Speechless

Hmm... I was gonna write about something that happened yesterday. Now I don't remember what. Ah well. The other day I put up Christmas decorations and started listening to Christmas music, yay!!! And today I'm soooo looking forward to! This the first AUCME trip of the school year. We're going to some church in Illinois. For those of you who don't know, AUCME is an organization here at AU (Anderson University Center for Ministry Education) and there are different worship teams that go to different churches and lead worship and sometimes give the sermon. I don't sing. I put lyrics up on the overhead, I'll read some scripture, maybe pray. I had such a great time with this last year, and I'm glad we're finally going somewhere this year. It will be different without Brent, Carolyn, and Phil (who were on the team last year) but I'm looking forward to getting to know all the new people: Amber (she signs, yes that's sign not sing spelled wrong), Tara (piano), Luke (drums), Nathaniel (lead guitar), Nick (voice), Peter (voice). And of course hanging with those I already know: Jenna (voice), Tif (voice), Kip (bass), and Scott (guitar). Wow. We're huge.

Lyric of the day: "Everybody wonders and some people know I guess that I'm some people 'cause baby it shows" - Speechless, Hanson

If you haven't read the post below this first, do so. Then read this. I was thinking about the situation in the shower (where some of my best thinking occurrs) and this is what I would like to reply with (this does not at all mean this is what I think is how I SHOULD reply).

It's not so much that he and my got a divorce, and I'm not trying to use Berni as a scapegoat (not intentionally anyway). It's that instead of going to counseling, then getting a divorce, then moving on and finding someone else, he found someone else, asked for a divorce, then went to counseling. That is what makes me so upset. And it's not that I don't want to be happy for him and meet this new person that he loves, it's that he packed up one day, moved out of the house, said to me "see you later" (I thought he was just going down to the yacht club for a little while) and moved in with her. Then later that night my mom told me about the note he left her. It's mostly that he met this woman over the internet and met her and moved in with her before trying to go to counseling and before doing anything he could do to try to save his marriage.

As far as my grandparents go - I love them. He's right, I don't call as often as I should, or visit as often as I should (I hardly ever call them - just birthdays - visit on the holidays - they live an hour and a half away from home, 5 from here) but they only call John and I on our birthdays and I couldn't even tell you the last time they visited. I have been here at AU for 3 years and they have not once even asked about it or made any effort to come here. John lived in Chicago for 3 (I think) years and same thing - never once went out there to visit. I'm not saying that this means I shouldn't call them and visit them more, I'm just saying that it should be the grandparents who put more effort into the relationship. What do you guys think? (about what i want to say to my dad, about my grandparents, about the situation in general). I'm just so hurt and so confused.

Currently Playing
Middle of Nowhere
By Hanson
- Weird

Holly,

Thank you for writing this. Trust me when I say I know that this has been

hard for you. I have tried to not push the issue and let you say what you

needed to say on your time.

When you mother and I were married, and vows given, we both meant every word

and promise that was made before God and everyone else. There are very few

marriages that begin not feeling that way. All I can say is things change.

Your mother and I both made a lot of changes over the years to make each

other happy. Many times at our own misery. This is not how I had hoped

things would have turned out. But this is how it has to be.

The part that frustrates me is that everyone has forgotten that I too have a

side in this. There are reasons I can no longer live with your mother. I

have chose not to tell my side because I refuse to talk bad about your

mother to anyone. Even if I did, I know it would not change how people look

at me because I was the one that left. I had to be the one to leave.

Therefore, I went into this knowing I will be looked on as the bad guy. Your

mother is defenatly stronger than I and would have done whatever she could,

but she did the wrong things for the wrong reasons. She never really looked

into my heart to find out what I needed to be loved as a husband. She made

her own assumptions. The result is I have felt unloved for many years. I

could no longer stay in a home that I felt I was nothing more than a

paycheck. That is how she made me feel.

I know that you and John love me, and I know that you know, I love you. And

I also know that there is nothing I will ever be able to say or do to take

away the disappointment you two will have in me. But given that, I can not

make myself believe it is right for me to remain miserable remaining to live

with your mother just for the sake of making the world think everything is

fine. Yes I know that makes me look selfish, but all I can say is trust me

when I say I tried for many, many years to keep things from turning out this

way. I guess all I can hope for is that while you two may not look up to me

as a roll model, perhaps you will both learn from what went wrong between

your mother and I.

Regardless of how I may have been introduced to Berni. The fact still

remains that she has nothing to do with the fact that I am not with your

mother. Even if Berni was not here, our marriage was destined to fail. The

consoling that your mother and I went to only showed me that to be true as I

have believed. But I will say I feel very fortunate to have Berni in my life

during a time that was very difficult for me. This will be hard for you to

hear, but the reality is, Berni and I love each other that way two people

should. We let each person be the person they are. We do not try to change

each other to fit the other's expectations. We put each other first, not the

rest of the world. Sometimes that means everyone else looks down on you

because you do not do what they want you to. But that is not what real love

should be about. It is the kind of love I tried for 27 years to have with

your mother, but it never happened. That is unfortunate, but reality. Yes I

made promises the day your mother and I were married. I was sincere making

those promises. But it became to impossible to make happen anymore. Holly, I

can not stay with your mother, just because she is your mother. I'm sorry

but it is how it has to be.

Berni is in my life now. It is wrong for you or anyone else to try and use

her as a scape goat for what has happened. She loves me, and she has

feelings too. All I ask is to not take this out on someone that had nothing

to do with what happened. She is a person too. Berni has said she will step

aside anytime I want to spend time with the rest of my family such as

Thanksgiving. She is willing to do that because she knows how much all of

this hurts everyone, and because she loves me. But I love her too and she

comes first in my life. I will not do things without her by my side. If that

means you will not spend time with me, then that is your choice. You and

John are adults and you should be looking to build your own families. I will

always be her for you as a father, but I will not ignore the one I love as a

companion.

I hope and pray that someday you can get over it and spend time with Berni

and I. If you love me, you will understand this and at least try.

Also, You and John have ignored Grandma and Grandpa way too much. They are

your Grandparents. They never get a call from you two. There are times when

you have been up that way but never stop by to visit. They are very hurt by

this and you need to find a way to see them. If you are not going to come to

dinner then I suggest maybe you and John go up there and visit them. A call

now and then can not hurt.

Love forver,

Dad



I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. God - what am I supposed to do? Why do things have to be so hard? I need You right now. He needs You.

Lyric of the Day: "Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain. You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud You feel all alone in a faceless crowd" - Weird, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Sometimes

One more week and I'll be at home... a week from today I can sleep in as late as I want, in my own bed, in my own home. I can sit around with my mom, or I can hang out with Krista, Holly, Katie, and Chris. One more week....



I need a break

Lyric of the day: "I guess sometimes I just don’t know How to say exactly how I feel inside I guess sometimes I just don’t know How to say that I love you." - Sometimes, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Pictures

Dad,



Thank you for the Thanksgiving card. I know that I have not yet said anything to you about the situation that we are in. This has been very hard for me. Over the past year and a half, I have been struggling with what to say, and how to say it. I am at a place now where I can finally let you know what I have been feeling. I am very hurt by what you did, and I would hope that you could figure that out. I know you did not move out because of me, or because of John, and that the divorce had nothing to do with us. However, I am hurt that you could stand up before your family and friends and announce that you would love her and be with her until death parts you. Not until you just didn’t get along all the time, not until you found someone on the internet who could help you escape your frustrations. Until one of you passed away. I wonder, after 27 years, at what point can you just tell yourself that it’s not worth it anymore? Last fall you sent me a letter, and in it you wrote that you did not leave mom for Berni, and that it was not a romantic relationship. I know better than that. I am not a child who is oblivious to what is happening in her family. I was not unaware of what you looked at on the internet. In this situation I can’t help but see how selfish you have been, chasing after you own desires. You walked out on a beautiful, amazing woman who has been the best mother I could ever ask for. Though it was not intentional, you walked out on John, and on me. You gave up your friends at the yacht club, and even your cousins who were in shock over what you did. I wonder how differently you might view the situation if it were John who cheated on his wife, or if my husband did this to me. It hurts me that John does not have someone to look to and say, “That’s the kind of husband I want to be,” and that I can’t say, “that’s the kind of person I want to marry.” I want you to know that I still love you. But as a Christian I do not feel like I can do anything that would support this relationship you are in. As far as Thanksgiving goes, I would very much enjoy going out to dinner with you, Grandma, and Grandpa, but I will not be there as long as Berni will be there. I hope you realize that this was not an easy letter for me to write, but that in my heart I knew what I needed to say.



-Holly



“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:27-28



Lyric of the day: "Will this feeling ever go away or will this feeling stay Will this feeling ever go away ‘Cause I can’t live the rest of my life this way " - Pictures, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Stories

So I'm definately skipping Teaching Ministry of the Church - but it's okay, because Overstreet is horribly horrible. In the words of Deanna, he looks like Chester Molestor and I don't want to go listen to people read their papers to me (don't worry - my paper isn't due until Wednesday, I'm not skipping that).

Anyway... so yesterday in church we were singing and I started thinking about my Dad and what all he's done. For those who might not know, the summer before last he moved out and moved in with a woman (Berni - what a beautiful name) he met on the internet. He wrote me a letter last fall telling me that he didn't leave my mom for her, and that it was not a romantic relationship, she was just a good friend helping her in a time of need. How stupid does he think I am??

Last week he sent me a card for Thanksgiving. In it he wrote that he wants to get together over Thanksgiving break - to go out to eat Friday night. He said, "Grandma and Grandpa Frees" (his parents) "will be there, and John" (my brother) "said yes. I know this will be hard for you, but Berni will be there too. You need to meet her."

BULL CRAP. I do NOT need to meet her! I know if I don't meet her at this Thanksgiving thing, then when I DO eventually meet her (for example, if he brings her to the extended-family Christmas party) it will be more awkward, but I do NOT have to meet her now.

So for the past few days I've been struggling... do I go? I'd love to see my Grandma and Grandpa, and I wouldn't mind seeing my dad, and if my brother goes, then there's moral support. But I really do NOT want to go! So, during church I decided I was going to write my dad a letter. This is going to be hard. I have never said anything about what he did, at all, to him. This is a list of things I want to mention...

-I haven't said anything because I've been struggling with how to handle this. I am a Christian who believes this is wrong, and I don't want to support his relationship or what he did. I am a Christian who believes this is wrong but I still need to love my dad and have a relationship with him.
-What if it were John? What if he was married for 27 years and walked out and moved in with another woman? Would he (my dad) still say "what ever makes you happy?"
-What if I was married and my husband left me? Would he care?
-One of the things that makes me the most frustrated about the situation, other than obviously how badly he hurt my mom, is that my brother does not have a good male role model to look too. How is he supposed to know how to be a good husband and a good father?
-I would like to go out to eat with him and my grandparents, but I will NOT go if she is going to be there.

What do you guys think? I'll probably write the letter sometime today and post it on here before I send it out.

Why can't it be like my lyric of the day: "Stories will be told From when our children are young Until they’re old About our endless love We must have had a blessing from above." - Stories, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Soldier

So yesterday I went out to eat and shopping with the fam. Today I did the same. Yay for moms who buy groceries! Also today, I reached 1000 posts on ravenet. Tis a great day. I don't know what else to say. Maybe I'll eat some hay. Then go away. To Montego Bay. Pet a sting ray. And play. With clay. Meet Tammi Fae. Go to Fannie Mae. I'm not gay. I have a cousin named Jay. I know Melissa Kae. I need to lay. It feels like May. Nay. I have homework for Professor Pay. If you visit you can stay. The song below is NOT sung by Tay. Yay.

Lyric of the day: "At night they would share each others dreams Under the stars shining bright, But they were too shy to speak of love, to speak of love" - Soldier, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- MMMBop

So yesterday I come home from class, blah blah, normal day. Then I start doing the dishes, because they got piled up again and there were hardly any clean ones, and it was nast. Yes, nast, not nasty. Anyway, the whole apartment pretty much was a mess. But I did the dishes (my mom and grandma are coming today so yeah) and then Stacy got home from work and we were talking about getting the apartment really clean. But see, the problem with that is we always talk about it and it never happens. After I did the dishes I decided I'd wait until after dinner (we ordered pizza) to finish cleaning. Well the pizza came, it's a Friday night, so of course we had to watch a movie. We watched "Sleeping With The Enemy" - EXCELLENT movie. Then I slowly got around to start cleaning, but I was dreading it and being lazy and slow, but then Jenn, our RA (and accross-the-hall neighbor) came over and she LOVES cleaning - she helped us! She really didn't do that much because people kept visiting her but just being there she got Stacy and I really motivated. We vacummed the whole apartment (that's a big feat w/ our ghetto vaccum), we dusted (BADLY needed), cleaned the stove top (under the burners and everything), emptied nastiness out of the fridge, I picked up all my junk (clothes were everywhere), swept the kitchen and the bathroom. And now before the fam gets here I'm gonna mop and clean the toilet and shower. Sorry it's a boring post but any of you who have seen my apartment previously need to come and be amazed!

Lyric of the day: "Mmm bop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du" - MMMBop, Hanson (now all you non-fans know how it's supposed to go)

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Surely As The Sun -

So last night was interesting. First I got out of class and posted a little on Ravenet. Then I went to WalMart, followed by dinner and Apples to Apples at Swa's place. Came home, did a little more Ravenet posting. Watched TV, then as I was posting some more I realized that I was very close to Brad's number of posts. So I challenged him to see who could get to 1000 first. He did, but only because I backed down. Um... yeah and earlier in the day I had reached 700 so needless to say, I posted a lot yesterday. What a loser.

What are you looking forward to most about Thanksgiving?

Lyric of the day: "Sometimes I wonder what you see in me,‘Cause I’m only a man flawed in so many ways you see" - Surely As The Sun, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- River -

I was just remembering a day this summer...

my aunt has some really rich friends in Chicago who have a summer/weekend home on Lake Michigan about 20 minutes away from my house, and they let her use it every once in awhile when they aren't there. So she, my mom, and Holly Pish and I went and oh my gosh. It's friggin' HUGE!!!! and it's almost all glass on the lake-front side. This part of the lake/beach/town has a bluff, which is like a really really steep hill above the lake. Anwyay, the house is on the bluff and then there are steps going all the way down to the lake. Half way down the steps there's a little screened-in cottage built into the side of the bluff where they have a bed and a dorm fridge (hmm wonder what they do there? haha). Then you go down to the beach, and it's a private beach, and they have a little bar stand thing with those tall bar chairs and and there's a big shade umbrella made out of palm tree leaves. It's great. and there's a few more wooden beach chairs, and a hammock. I was just thinking of how wonderful it was lying in the warm summer sun on a hammock with the only sound being the waves washing up on the beach. And I was also thinking about the weird tanline I got from having my pant leg rolled up part way, and how that tan line is still slightly there. That was a bad burn.

What's your favorite memory from this past summer?

Lyric of the day: "Lately we’ve been talking ‘bout who we are, Seems we don’t know anymore, And all this time that we’ve been thinking, At night I’ve been dreamin’ about you " - River, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Thinking Of You

So last night was fun. I made the pie and the fajitas, Ryan and Jen came over and ate dinner with Stacy and I and we watched a whole disc of Friends season 8. Then around 10:30 last night I remembered that I had a parenting exam today and this is what I told my roommate: "I just remembered I have an exam tomorrow. Stupid parenting. I'm not a parent. I think that's apparent." Wow. Wasn't that hilarious? For some reason last night I thought it was. So anyway. Now it's 7:51 am, I have class at 10, and I have my parenting exam at 11. Have I studied? NOPE! It's time for this semester to end! If I counted right, I will be in Jamaica in 48 days.

Lyric of the day: "I'm carrying this heavy load, I don't know what to do, the only thing I know is that I'm in love with you." - Thinking of You, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Two Tears

So the whole not talking thing went really well. Until this morning when I woke up 20 mintues before class and Stacy asked if my class was cancelled. I replied "mmmmmm" which to me means "mmm I don't wanna get up even though I have to" but to her means "yes" so when I got up and was running around getting ready she said "I thought you said it was cancelled" and then I said "no, I said mmmm b/c I was whining." Then I remembered that I didn't want to talk. Oh well. So... God is amazing and I just love Jenna Stoia because she is amazing too. We were talking about AUCME and just in case some people read this who aren't supposed to know some things yet, I can't say what exactly is happening but it's amazing how God directs things to happen in the way He wants. I'll be more specific... perhaps in December.

Now I need to get started on some cleaning (mom and grandma are comin' Sautrday) and cooking (chicken fajita's and grandma's chocolate pie recipe).

Lyric of the day: "For every tear falls from your eyes, two tears fall from mine." - Two Tears, Hanson

Currently Playing
3 Car Garage
By Hanson
- Day Has Come

Come on Vominos. Everybody let's go. Come on let's get to it, I know that we can do it!

Ahh... theme song from Dora the Explorer! Stuck in my head b/c I am talking to Rob and having memories from camp. Una! Does! Three!

Anyway. Tonight we had a bonfire/smore-fest for our Jamaica trip, and we were talking about what we wanted to get out of it. I was talking about how in the middle of a small city like Anderson it's so hard to get out and enjoy nature, compared to the peaceful quiteness of watching the sunset from the beach at home. I was saying that I was looking forward to enjoying God's nature, since that's how he speaks to me. And then we were talking about silence. How hard it is to be completely silent. I wonder if it's possible for me to go 24 hours without speaking. Worth a try. Starting now. (1 am Monday night/Tuesday morning).

Lyric of the day: "I never thought that anyone would love me like you do." - Day Has Come

God amazes me. Every stinkin' day.


I just watched "Life Is Beautiful" (hey Ellie - remember when we tried to watch it in Florida?) for the first time and oh... my... gosh. I was in the mood to watch a sad movie, and so... I did... and.. wow. If you want a good cry, watch it. It's amazing.

This semester I have gone out of my comfort zone in several ways.

This semester God has shown me incredible things.

Why can I not help but think that these two are related?

What I am thinking right now:

-I am inadequate
-God will use me anyway
-I'm cold
-I have Anam Cara in an hour
-I worry too much about impressing people
-I'm hungry
-My biggest idol is my friends
-I feel like there's something deep inside of me trying to get out - what is it?

Things I miss:

-Watching the sunset alone and with friends, on an almost daily basis
-Star gazing in the middle of a grape vineyard
-The beach at midnight (especially the time the storm came in)

Indiana is so dull

So... I got my new cell phone today, woot! It makes me happy because now I'll actually be able to talk to people without my phone randomly shutting off after "hello".

Fall break was great... Thursday Mel, Jen, Thrasher and I went to White Castle and Creepy Jesus, had a really awesome convo in the car infront of Mansfield until 2 am, Friday I watched all three Lord of the Rings w/ Mel, April, Tina, and Tina's sister, and then Saturday I watched Beauty and the Beast and Princess Diaries (w/ the commentary), then Sunday I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Cinderella, Lion King, Pocohantas, and some CBS movie that was pretty good. So yeah, ten movies. And my scarf got a lot longer. Woot.

Oh, also on Friday I met Matt (the pastor of my church down here) at Panera to talk to him about.... [dun dun dun] THE BIG UPDATE, AS PROMISED!!!

Okay... so.... in high school I got involved with leading small groups for our middle school youth group, counseling summer camps, etc. I really realized that I had a passion for youth, especially middle schoolers. So I thought I wanted to be a youth pastor. But, then I realized I don't like public speaking. At all. My church at home has a woman named Jenny Fry (AMAZING woman, I might add) and she basically works with our youth pastors (yes, we have two) and does stuff for them like follow-up for new comers, youth group attendance, making the place look cool with candles, leading a small group, keeping everything organized, helping plan retreats, etc. I started to realize that this is what I would love to do - be really involved without having to preach. So, on Jimmy's suggestion (high school youth pastor) I double majored in Christian Ministries and Family Science. As I've gotten more into the Family Science major I'm now also thinking about some sort of counseling (family counseling, counseling in a school, marital counseling, I don't know).

In my mind I had always pictured myself going back home after graduating and working in my church there. But then my first year here at AU I took a class called Intro to Church Ministry (woot where I met Thrasher even though I didn't talk to her). We went on a weekend-long field trip to Chicago to learn about the different urban ministries in the area, and I loved it. I don't know if I loved the urban ministries themselves (ministries reaching out to prostitutes, drug addicts, etc) or just the city itself. Now, of course, I had been to Chicago a LOT but I had never seen that aspect, or at least hadn't paid attention to it. So then I really felt like God was calling me to a city somewhere, I just didn't know where. But I've always known that I could be happy living anywhere, it's not the geographical location that matters, it's the people you work and live with that matter. So ever since then I've been totally open to where God wants me - which is great! Also, here at AU for the Christian Ministry major you either have to do an internship at a church or take a class called The Community of Faith in an Urban Culture, which is a summer class. You spend a week here in Anderson doing book/lecture stuff, then a week in Chicago and a week in NYC (I think) learning about the different urban ministires. I decided last year that this was the option I was going to go with, and I am still really excited about it.

So, at this point, current passions:
-city
-youth
-counseling?

So, okay background info on my church down here. Last year I started going to Muncie Alliance Church. First, obviously, it's in Muncie, which for those who don't know is a good 30 minutes away from here. This is a very different type of church than good ole' FCOG back home. The congregation is probably 90% college students, and ones from everywhere around here (AU, Ball State, Taylor, Indiana Weslyan...) They have a coffee bar in the middle of the building where you can get free cups of coffee, cappucino, lattes, you can buy bags of coffee beans, etc. The pastor, Guy (yes I know earlier I said my pastor's name was Matt... I'm getting to that) sometimes wears jeans, the congregation wears jeans (some of them), etc. Very laid back, very postmodern (yet still very Christian). Anyway, This church (I think the denomination as a whole) is very into church planting. They started this thing called Vencinos downtown Indianapolis where it's basically a Christian coffee shop and people give their testimonies and stuff, basically to evangelize, again in a very postmodern setting (I think... that's the way I've understood the whole Vencino's thing). Anywho, recently MAC (the church) opened up a few new churches - one in a coffee shop in Huntington, one near Taylor, and one here in Anderson, called Mercy House (and Matt is the pastor). Since it's basically the same thing and a whole lot closer, a few weeks ago I started going to Mercy House.

So, what happened on my first visit to Mercy House? Well, I'll tell you! Woot! Okay, so Stacy (roommate) and I are sitting there and Matt gets up and says they have a big announcement, possibly the biggest announcement this church (Mercy House) has had yet (granted this was it's 4th week). His announcement was that Mercy House, MAC, the one in Huntington, and the one by Taylor (I don't know what to call the group of churches so I'm gonna go with.... the GOC [group of churches, how original]) had been talking. They had gotten together and had been praying and have felt like God wants them (the GOC) to church plant. They want to plant a church in Las Vegas in 2006, Boston in 2006, Ireland in 2007, and Spain in 2008 (I think this is what he said). Right away when he said that something happened. I don't know how to explain it at all but I really felt like God was telling me "Boston." As the song says, His whispers are majestic and I believe this was one of those. Just thinking about it (then and now) make me so excited and it's such a new feeling, I really can't explain it.

So... Boston. The reason they are waiting until 2006 is because of a cycle they sort of have planned. They (the GOC) want to spend this year sending groups of people to Boston and Las Vegas (over Christmas break and spring break) to pray over the cities and seek where God wants the actual locations of these churches to be (probably in coffee houses). Also they want tos pend this year raising up 50 people within the GOC for each city. Then, next year they will do the same thing with Ireland, meanwhile, the 50 people for Boston and the 50 people for Las Vegas will be trained and will be meeting with each other, probably on a weekly basis. Then, off they go in 2006 to plant. And 2006 just happens to be the year I will graduate. The other cool thing about this is that they are going to provide stuff for us - they (the denomination) will find places for all 100 people to live and places for them to work before sending them to the cities, so no one will get there with no where to go.

So, I think now is a good time to quote Hanson - "I'm definately sure that I'm not sure." Basically, I'm sure that God wants me in Boston and I'm sure that I'm saying yes, but I'm definately not sure that I'm sure. Haha... okay.. there are a lot of things holding me back, things that I have questions about. It's about 13 hours from St. Joe (home), what will I do? Will I work outside of the church? If so, will that be some office of some sort or will it be an entry-level counseling-type thing (while in the meantime getting my masters so I can counsel), will it be in the church? If so what? Youth pastor and get over the public speaking thing? Some other position in the church? I really don't know. But that's okay. I was talking to my good friend Jenna about it (And Matt, too) and I think that those questions are what are confirming it for me. I told Jenna that if I did not have doubts and questions then I wouldn't need faith. If I didn't need faith, then would it really be from God?

So, basically, that's the big update. I told you it'd be long . So now I just need to be praying (and ask that you all be praying) for specifics, but I know they might not come until last minute, and that's okay. Whatever. It's in God's hands.

Peace to you all.

Try to see the world as God sees it. It's not easy, at all.

(The big update still coming, I promise)

Not only am I going to Jamaica over Christmas break, but the lovely ladies of L'amifidel (Thrasher, Megs, and MelissaKae) convinced me to go to London with them over spring break. So... I'm currently jobless and I need:

$310 by November 1st
$250 by December 1st
$795 by January 17th

Monetary donations may be sent to:

Holly Frees
1100 East Fifth Street
Anderson, IN 46012

Checks and cash accepted, sorry, no credit cards.

Hehehe... anyway, more to come later on what God is currently doing in my life... for those of you who don't know yet, major stuff.

It's 2 am and I am on page 9 of a 12 page paper that is due in 11 hours, but I have class in 8 hours. I just want to quit and go to bed and do the rest in the morning but I probably would not be able to wake up early enough to do that, and all that's getting me through these last three pages are Holly Pschigoda's voice in my head saying, "giterdone". Holly, I love ya but you're really PISHING ME OFF!

Can I just say how frustrating it is to give 110% into a relationship but get nothing back?

Okay so I won't be staying in those resorts, but I WILL be in Montego Bay over Christmas break... look how beautiful that is!! We had our first meeting for the Jamaica trip last night, and I'm so excited. We're doing a work camp inland but they said the group always gets to stay one night in a villa on Montego Bay with a semi-private beach. They said that sometimes the group chooses to each spend 60-65 dollars out of their pocket to stay a second night there, but since this is the 40th anneversary of Tri-S they're paying for it! So TWO NIGHTS in this beautiful bay.... In the middle of winter! WOOT!

I gave blood today. So I guess I saved a life probably... woohoo! Um... now I don't feel too great but I think it's cause I recently granted myself a caffeine addiction (again) and didn't have any today... darn eskimochas... NO MORE! Um... I got nothin'

"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." ~Psalm 16:11, NLT

Today is perfect.

Today's advice: Don't complain about the consequences of your actions without taking the responsibility of those actions.

It's 4:09pm. I woke up at 10:30 and what have I accomplished since then? I made cinnamon rolls from a can and took a shower and put all of our movies on the bookshelf. That's it. I have a whole big to do list of stuff for today but yeah way to go Holly. But I do wanna get some stuff done so I can go over to mkaes apartment where your butt looks like a mutt that got cut and is stuck in a rut... what?

Happy October!!! After all, it's the best month of the year!

Okay so your mom. Basically. Ummm... what I was really going to say was that the thing w/ the parenting exam turned out okay. I was freaking out about talking to him b/c I hate confrontation so much but when I got there he said before I talked to him he wanted to get me up to date (since he had a chance to look at the exams and had other students talk to him).... basically the person who wrote the exam for him made a bunch of typos and stuff so he realized that the answers we had really were right. So my grade got raised from a 68 to a 75 which still is not a good test score but I knew a lot of it I really just didn't know... but 75 is a heck of a lot better than 68, and he's still giving us the 40% raise opportunities so even if I do horrible on the one about the video (which I shouldn't), I'll still get a 95% on the test b/c the quizzes (Which give us teh other 20% increase) are the kind that you can take over and over until you get 100% so basically... yeah I got a 95% on my exam. I think when I get it back for real I'll post it on the fridge.. it'll be funny.. or dumb. Or dump, because that's what I started to type instead of dumb. I just did it again. CRAP. Today on RaveNet (which for non-Ravens is a forum thingy for AU where we can post stuff to each other..) Brad called me a post slut. Hmmmmm........................ LEAVE COMMENTS

Stresss!!!!! Yes, 3 s's at the end. Yesterday was sooo wonderful and great. Today, not so much. I woke up at 8 and studied for my quiz later today. I went to class at 10, then my Parenting class was at 11.... and... oh... my... gosh... UGH! Okay so we all did horrible on the exams b/c the professor marked all these questions wrong that are really right, according to the text, but he was too defensive to agree with us (well... that's the short version). Anyway most of us have appointments with him and our advisors to talk about it. I left the class shaking b/c of all the adrenaline running through my body, and I definately wasn't the only one. So that was horrible, it was all I talked about at lunch. Then I went to my 1:00 class, that was okay, I did good on the quiz (9/10). Then I went to my internship and that was the first time there was major conflict while I was there. The girls were trying to delegate chores and that's not so much a good thing ha. Umm.. then I rushed back to AU and had to watch this dumb video thingy for class, and then my RA cooked my roommates and I dinner. That was good. It was very yum. Spaghetti (yes, again haha) with homemade sauce... mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Then I spent a long time trying to find the right answers (that I really got right) in the textbook, and I have an exam tomorrow to study for. Fun times. not.

Yesterday was such a wonderful day.... I had calss at 8:30 and it was good (The Family) and then I skipped chapel so I could shower (b/c I woke up 20 min before my 8:30) and then at 12:30 I had Race & Ethnicity and that was fun b/c the prof told us about how she beat the tar out of a girl (you'd have to know the prof to understand why that is so great)... anywhoo... I then wandered over to Mocha Joe's and got an Eskimocha and read some homework, saw Amy Kelm (yay!) and then I had my first real AUCME meeting of the year. I just heart AUCME so much... it was great just basically worshiping with some of my great friends (I keep using the word great hehe)... then I met Sara Spitters (yay!!!) and we came back to my apartment and cooked spaghetti and corn bread haha oh the good times and memories... then we went shopping and I bought some stuff for the apartment (flowers, some food, I don't remember what else) and I bought some WAY CHEAP scrapbooking paper at Target and some yarn and knitting needles b/c she's gonna teach me how to knit. I'm excited. I love that girl so much! It was fun to catch up with her because the last time I really talked to her was when she was asking me what kinds of things she would need to bring to college. Umm... the end. JUST KIDDING (a-hahahahahaha!) The BEST part about yesterday: FALL!!! IT'S FINALLY FALL-ISH OUT!!!! HOORAY!!! You have no idea how happy that makes me. Perfect temperature, breezy, LEAVES EVERYWHERE! I love it!

Currently Playing
Songs About Jane
By Maroon 5

Yesterday during my quiet time, the Bible Study I am doing was talking about Love. At the end of the section, it suggested to pray "that this loving Jesus will become more real to you." or something along those lines. And so I prayed that. Later that night I went to my L'Aami meeting..... there are not many things more real and more exemplary than communion and foot washing.... Thank you girls for a beautiful night. Thank You God for such a loving group of girls. Thank You for answered prayers, and for Your many sacrifices

Currently Playing
Human Clay
By Creed
- Arms Wide Open

Random Thoughts Of The Day Brought To You By: Dihydrogen Monoxide (H20, Water...)

I have had 76 ounces of water so far today. The recommended amount is 48-64 ounces. The 76 I have had have not been enough. Is this a bad thing? So.. my parenting professor is wack. I quote Andrew Davidson: "Is he gonna ask me if I'm married every time I'm late?" (Due to the fact that Andrew has been late twice, and both times when he walked in the prof asked if he was married.) That's all.

Deep Thought Of The Day Brought To You By: Nelson Mandela, Apartheid Revolutionist

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everone. As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others."

Amazing how a song written almost 250 years ago touches my heart and speaks the words within me so well...

Come thou fount of every blessing/tune my heart to sing thy grace/streams of mercy never ceasing/call for songs of loudest praise/teach me some melodious sonnet/sung by flamming tongues above/praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it/mount of thy redeeming blood/here I raise my Ebenezer/here by thy great help I've come/and I hope by thy good pleasure/safely to arrive at home/Jesus sought me when a stranger/wandering from the fold of God/He to rescue me from danger/interposed His precious blood/O to grace how great a debtor/daily I'm constrained to be/Let they goodness like a fetter/bind my wandering heart to thee/Prone to wander, Lord I feel it/prone to leave the God I love/Here's my heart oh take and seal it/seal it for thy courts above

Well... the weekend is finally here, that is as soon as I make it through one class and two exams, one of which the prof doesn't know what he's talking about, so... that should be good. Toga party tonight, woot! I'm a good little L'ami girl... um... hmmm. Yeah. So yesterday I had several people tell me that I looked sad. Do I look sad? I'm not sad... hmm...

Well our apartment is slowly getting cleaner. Sara might come over for dinner tonight... I love that girl. Umm.... I don't really know what to say right now, I just felt like updating this. I have an exam in less than two hours. I hate taking exams with new professors because you don't know what to expect.

Sometimes I just get really disappointed in people. Why do they have to do the things they do that just end up making them miserable? Why can't they see that they're wasting their lives? I wonder about myself sometimes. I kind of want to go into counseling, but how can I do that when I get so upset when I hear about what people do.... maybe counseling isn't for me. That'd be okay. Whatever He wants is fine with me . I feel frustrated right now. Frustrated in myself for not cleaning my apartment or doing my homework and just being lazy lately. Frustrated in the decisions other people are making and frustrated that I'm frustrated by it. I mean, it shouldn't matter that much to me, it's not my life they're living.

Things on my mind:

I want a baby

I need to brush my teeth

I love my roommates

I need to cut my toenails

I want a dishwasher

The apartment is a mess

I wish I was more articulate

I know this a pretty controversial topic but today in my Parenting class we were talking about spanking. Now, me personally, I think it's okay to spank your kids OCCASIONALLY, and with GOOD REASON, and ABSOLUTELY NOT while you are still very angry... calm down for a while first. I was spanked and I don't hate my parents for it and I am not an agressive person. However, I don't think that I will ever spank my kids. But anyway... we watched a video about these parents who spanked their kids, a lot. They had maybe 5 kids and they would spank them constantly. She slapped her 3 year old daughter like 5 times in a row on the wrist for playing with her food. She did the same thing to her maybe 18-month old for picking her nose. She smacked the butt of her 2 year old for, get this, soiling her TRAINING PANTS. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR!!!! One of her daughters was maybe 4 or 5 and she pulled her sister's hair and so her mom yanked on her ponytail. And these weren't just a tug of the hair and light slaps, these looked they would hurt me if I were the one being spanked that way, and I'm 21 years old. They justified it by saying that nothing else they've tried (which it didn't seem like they had tried anything else anyway) worked, but obviously the spanking wasn't working anyway. IT PISSES ME OFF that there are parents out there like that. I wanted to jump into the overhead screen, take those kids and bring them home with me.

Tonight while rushing we were all in a conga line type thing, blindfolded and walked through a field. It was weird, b/c when you're blindfolded you feel like you're about to walk right into something, but then I realized that's not logical because obviously the person in front of me would run into it first. It made me think about how we walk through life constantly (or at least sometimes) thinking that we're going to mess up and make a big mistake, but God is there in front of us all the time.

Is there anything more precious than more than 2,000 voices singing out in beautiful unison, "It is well with my soul!"

I pray that God will show me what areas of my life I have yet to sacrifice to Him. A painful plea, though I know it will result in great joy.

So the other day my roommate (DeeDee) borrowed my computer b/c her's can't get onto the school's network yet, and she looked up some racist hate group websites for a class, and then some porno pop-ups kept getting on my computer. Then later I used my computer for the same reason (I'm in the same class) and I got porn pop-ups also. Then later that night I shut my computer down. The next morning I turned it on... and it wouldn't start up... so... my computer doesn't work. So now I am using my other roommate's computer. Other than that fiasco... things are going pretty well so far this year. We still have a messy, unorganized apartment, but we're working on it. I just realized how busy I'm going to be this semester. First, there's classes until 2pm every day (3pm on Friday). Then Monday nights I'll have Lami meetings (a social group, AU's version of sorority [or however you spell it] but you don't live together, I'm going to Rush it this year), then Tuesday nights I'll have a study group for one of my classes, Wednesday afternoons I have my internship, and then I also want to do a campus ministry where upperclassmen mentor underclassmen, and then I'm going to do AUCME again, and we'll have practice at least once a week, and we'll go away on weekends. And on top of all that I would like to get some sort of job, preferably on campus... Speaking of busy, I'm off to one of three meetings tonight... later!

My main prayer for this semester is that I can get to know my friends on a deeper, more spiritual level (AU friends and SJ friends) and that I will be more open to people and be more willing to share of myself even if they don't share back. I pray that God will really use me, speak through me. I pray that I can fall so in love with Him that it will radiate through my entire being into my whole surrounding.

I'm officially going to be interning at Triple L Youth Ranch for one of my classes. No it's not paid and it's 2 hours a week, 10 weeks. It's a place where at risk teens go and stay there for 6-9 months. I'm not ENTIRELY sure yet what I'll be doing but I'm excited to see how God will use me in the lives of those kids. I'll keep you posted.

GUESS WHAT!!! I'm going home Saturday. Now, normally I do not like to go home a whole lot during the school year, and ESPECIALLY not during the first weekend. BUT... Stacy and I are going to work at the catering place Krista works at, and we're gonna get $105 CASH for it, so I think it's worth going home for, don't you? Hehehe Umm... that's all I have for now, other than that this school year is going great so far. It's so nice to have roommates that I knew before we started living together.

Give me one pure and holy passion...

Life in the apartments so far:

Grood! I mean good. And great. Great and good. Stacy and DeeDee and I are having crazy fun, except DeeDee right now is frustrated that her computer is taking so long to get ready to be on the network, and she has a horrible headache, and Stacy just went to take a nap. But otherwise, things are good. We're still in the process of unpacking and organizing and washing dishes that haven't been used in a few years, all that good stuff. And I'd like to get another couch or something. I'm really excited for this year b/c I'm finally living with friends and not someone I don't know. And it's an apartment... a bedroom, a study, a bathroom, a living room and a kitchen... so nice. I'm also really excited because I have a lot of people that I'm really looking forward to seeing that I haven't talked to all summer. But the weird thing is that everyone's spread out this year. I have friends in South, Dunn, Rice, Martin, and all over off campus. So Swa and Beth and Stacy and I mentioned having a progressive dinner thingy where each course is at someone else's house/apartment. So that'll be fun if it happens. If you're a raven come visit or call! Mansfield A12 x3762

Krista is gone. Holly is gone. Chris is gone. Five more days until I'm gone. I'm thinking back on the summer and this is how I summarize it:

mint chip ice cream, sunset, rock solid, hanson, mario, garage sale

yeah that about does it

oh... that reminds me.. holly what should I do about your controller for nintendo and Tom/Keith's Mario 3? (It's all John's so it's not going to school with me)

Today was a different sort of concert. Chris Spitters, my middle school youth pastor (and my friend Sara's dad) had a release concert for his new CD. YAY! It totally rocked, but in a much different way than Hanson. It's so neat being at a concert that big for someone who's just a guy I grew up looking to as a role model. I was just thinking earlier tonight about how I need to let people know what I really think about them, especially people I really care about. Chris... man, I've known him since I was in 6th grade (that's almost 10 years) and he really has impacted my life. So many of my milestones in my walk with God have involved him. Also, I don't have a great relationship with my dad. I can be thankful that I don't completely hate him like some people do their dads, but he's definately not the kind of man that I can look to as the type of person I want to have as a husband, or as a father for my kids. Actually, I was just talking to Krista about this the other day. Psalm 2 says something like "And the Lord said to me, 'You are my son. Today I have become your Father.'" and it really reminded me of how I don't necessarily need a father-figure on earth to look to, because I have a Perfect Father in heaven who loves me unconditionally. But then tonight I was thinking about how Chris is a person I can look to and say "I want those qualities in a husband. I want those qualities in a Father for my kids" (though Sara might have some advice against that, haha just kidding). And then I was talking to an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time about how what I want to do when I get out of school is pretty much to be Jenny Fry. (If you don't know who she is, ask, I don't feel like explaining here). Jo (The friend I was talking to) told me that I should tell her that. And she's right. Jenny and Chris are two people that I really look to in my life and they don't even know it (I don't think). But it's so hard... how do you even bring that up? "Hi Jenny. When I grow up, I want to be you" doesn't really sound all that eloquent haha. Not that it needs to be eloquent, but still.... so hard.

On another note, back to Hanson. So if I haven't mentioned it already, I work at the church that their Aunt Linda and Uncle Glenn go to. I have never seen either of them in my life, so I really don't know what they look like (other than a maker-drawn, cartoon version of Glenn that Adam made). So this morning Krista and I went to church at RPCC (the church) and we pulled into the parking lot, and there was this couple getting out of their car, and I said "Hey look! It's Glenn and Linda! HA! Just kidding. That'd be funny though if it was them." And then we went to church. After church they had a social greeting thing and we were talking to people and introducing ourselves. Then the woman who was getting out of the car earlier said "Hi, I'm Linda *******" (I'll leave out the last name for her privacy's sake. No, it's not Linda Hanson). And I almost started cracking up just b/c it really was her when I had said that earlier. I didn't say anything about knowing who her nephews are because I didn't want her to think I was a stalker or anything (b/c I'm not). But yeah. That's pretty much all she said... I think she said something else about me being the secretary or whatever. Glenn never introduced himself, but Krista and I were walking back out to my car at the same time they were, and he just turns around and says, "That's a nice color. There aren't any scratches yet?" And I was like "Yeah there are a lot of scratches" (realizing he was referring to my car), and then we talked about their convertable and he said they have fun in it. The whole time I was thinking I should ask him to say woot, but that'd be weird. Again, we never brought up Hanson or anything, but while he was still just sitting in his convertable, Krista and I did get into my car and we "roll(ed) the windows down, turn(ed) the radio up" (didn't push the pedal to the ground yet though) and blasted Penny and Me, but I don't think it even registered with him who it was. If so, he did a good job hiding it. But that's my Hanson story for today. Their Uncle Glenn likes the color of my car. How great for me. HA!

(Sorry for the long post)

Oh, and Tricia, sorry for the mis-spelling.

Currently Watching
Hanson - Underneath Acoustic Live


Okay so Wednesday didn't do anything other than totally kick butt! HA! Yeah, so around I don't remember what time, Kate, Trisha, Krista, Ali, Adam and I all made our way up to Kalamazoo for the best concert I have EVER been to, and I mean EVER. Hanson is sooooo much better live than any CD of theirs. They're just so full of energy and the intensity of the passion they have for what they do is fangorious. The only dissapointing thing is that they didn't really talk to the crowd like they usually do. Pretty much the only thing I remember them saying was when Taylor was up on stage by himself playing "Believe" on the piano, he stops in the middle, puts his finger to his lips and says, "Shhhhhh." And then later when Issac and Zac came back out he said, "For the sake of others, shhhhhhhh." Usually at concerts he's telling people to be crazier, so I don't know what was up with that. And maybe our sign scared them out of talking haha. Adam knows their Uncle (who lives in our town) and so our sign said "Uncle Glenn says woot! So does Linda." HAha so maybe they thought stalkers were in the crowd. And then the other side of the sign which we only put up once was the Underneath symbol, which, for those who don't know is a circle and inside the circle is an arrow pointing down. And then for the Teen Girl Squad fans out there on one side of the arrow we wrote "ARROW'D!!!" and then on the other side wrote, "OW! My Underneath!"

Currently Playing
Underneath [Limited Edition w/Bonus DVD]
By Hanson
- Believe

Warner Camp. What a wonderful place. Everytime I have been there it seems is a unique chapter in my life. I just finished a week of counseling 5th and 6th graders, and man, what a blessing they are. A lot of people don't like middle school kids, but I think I'm one of the few who really has a passion for them. One night during evening worship in the "nabertacle" I was just sitting there singing my heart out and listening to the voices around me. The sound of a hundred or so middle school children singing out to God was so amazing. It made me think of how often the Bible mentions children. Hearing their voices sing like that made me feel like I too was a child, and it brought such joy to my heart to praise God in that way. I felt like giggling in the middle of worship, just because. Actually, I think at one point I did. And I'm sure God giggled back at me.

So I'm beginning to realize how dull my entries are. Especially since I've been home, I feel like I'm not learning the things I was at school. Well, of course not, because, I'm not in school and in class, but still. I feel like I should still be growing and learning (especially with Bible Study and Rock Solid) but I don't feel like I really am. As much as I hate all the studying and the papers and the all-nighters, I really miss school and part of me wishes I could go to school forever. I don't know. I'm just ready to be back. I think I said that before somewhere in this journal thing. But I am. I'm really looking forward to the classes I have this coming semester, too. They are all for my majors so that's going to make it even more fun.

A week or so ago I was talking to one of my friends who will be a freshman at AU next year, and she asked me if my spiritual life was better or worse when I was at school. I had never thought about it in a comparision like that before. I always just think "I'm not very close to God right now" or "I am close to God right now." Thinking about it in comparison really was good for me. When I'm home for the summer I have all this free time (especially this summer when I'm not working right now) and I have Prayer Night, Small Group, and Bible Study with my friends and then also Sunday School and church. I could be using all this free time to at least read the Bible a little bit, but I don't. I've never been good about doing that. Small Group and Bible study have been good, but this summer, right now, no I am not very close to God. And that was something I wanted to work on this summer. When I'm at school, it fluctuates (or however you spell that) so much. Being constantly surrounded in a Christian environment (not that I'm not here, but just more so there) with Focus Group, Chapel, Bible study (oh man, I miss Meagan, Erin, Gene, Marty...), and just every day conversations, when I am close to God, I'm a lot closer than when I'm close to him when I'm home. I have no idea if that sentence made any sense. And then my Christian Ministry classes help a lot too... they really help me look at things in a different way. I'm kinda sad that I only have one C-min class this semester. But oh well. I don't really have anything to say right now anymore. No concluding thoughts. My brain doesn't work that way. So... good night.

I've never believed in ghosts. I've heard stories of people saying they see or feel or hear weird things that they think might be ghosts but I've never had it happen to me. Until today. My mom and I were sitting in my bedroom playing Super Mario Brothers (yes, she plays it with me) and my brother's dog was sitting by my bedroom door. We were the only ones home. The only other person who has a key to the front door is my brother. He was at work, and we always keep the front door locked. We were sitting there playing and Pepper (the dog) started barking like someone was there, and my mom and I BOTH heard the front door open and close, and my mom was like "John must be home early." So she went to go say hi to him, but no one was there, the front door was still locked, and there were no cars in the driveway (Besides our own) or anything... so that's just kinda weird, that we BOTH heard the door open and that pepper barked BEFORE the door opened like he usually does when someone really is there. So there have been times when I've wondered if ghosts do exist. Like if when we die we don't go to heaven or hell until after the Rapture or something like that... who knows (other than God).

Currently Playing
Professional Rapper
By John Reuben
- Life Is Short

Summer. Not my favorite season (that's the one that comes next) but it's still great. Last night my friends and I went down to the beach around 11:30pm and played on the swings. Then later we went and sat at the water's edge watching lightning hit the water (far away, we were not in danger). Everything was so black, the water and the sky. And then you could see light come from behind a cloud, and then other times you could see an actual bolt come down and strike the dark water. And then we could hear the low rumble of the thunder, and the sound of the water washing up on the shore, inches from our feet. It's such an amazing thing God does for us. Now, to really picture this (if you're not from around here or have never been to one of the Great Lakes), Lake Michigan, like all the Great Lakes is not just a really big lake. It's a really big lake that you cannot see the end of (similar to the ocean)... except on the ocasional REALLY, REALLY clear day where you can see a little gray dot, which is the Sears Tower in Chicago. But anyway, it's pretty massive. So it's just amazing to sit there surrounded by this body of water that God designed just for our enjoyment. That's really all I have to say today. OH! And I fixed my computer. Yay for me!

Oh... yeah... so also what else I'm doing... still looking for a job, but not looking hard haha. I had an interview at TJ Maxx but I can't imagine they, or anyone else for that matter, would want to hire me this late in the summer knowing I'm leaving in August. But Britt LeClair just started working at DQ again (she used to work there too) and said she knows a couple other people are quitting, so I might check that out. Basically, I just want to know that I can afford groceries this fall...

So I'm PLANNING on going to a Hanson concert with like 5 other people in August in Kalamazoo but we're currently having problems getting the tickets. Not like that they're sold out, but actually GETTING the tickets... yeah. But whatever, I'm excited!

So I'm sitting here online for like the second time this summer, and I'm talking to one of my roommates, and WHOOHOO we got an apartment for the fall! (on campus)... so that's exciting and I'm just sitting here thinking about how much fun this next year is going to be. As for this summer... I got fired, (for a B.S. reason) and that's okay with me I guess b/c maybe I can find something better and if not, I can have a relaxing summer! So far I've read nine books... will be starting number 10 when I get off here.... umm.. that's all for now I guess.

Today was a GREAt day, that's all I have to say. Krista, Holly and I walked around downtown and on the beach for a long time and swung on the swings watching the clouds come over the lake, that kind of thing. Then we all went to our girl's small group for the first time this summer... we're gonna be doing "and the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to a Life of Sexual Purity" - I've heard it's a good book so we'll see how that goes... and the guys are gonna be doing "Every Young Man's Battle" so I think it'll be cool to see what God does with that. Also tonight Holly and I played our guitars (Krista was there too) while watching an AMAZING sunset. That's the thing I miss most about this town when I'm gone... is the great sunsets over the lake.