Sunday, October 26, 2008

some thoughts as of late...

i need community. recently a friend asked me if i felt like i was slowly becomming an island. he was simply noting the fact that so many people at work have been quitting (himself included). but i don't think he realized how true those words were. he unknowingly spoke truth into my life in that moment, and it was all i could do to not start crying. this was more than just about some of my favorite co-workers quitting recently. i have become isolated. part of this is because i have been working long hours and at the end of the day i come home and either work more, or just close out the world and go to sleep because i am exhausted. part of this is because i haven't been opening myself up to those who i consider to be friends. am i afraid?

i am becoming an island.

and i hate it.

this is not who i was meant to be.

i need community.

about a month ago, i was talking with one of the friends who did move away. i had spent quite a bit of time at her house while she still lived in nashville, as i was friends with both her and her roommates. while talking to her, i happened to mention that in the two years i had known her and lived her, she had never been in my apartment. her response? "i was never invited." it dawned on me a little while later that i have only had one friend in my home in the past two years (with the exception of out-of-town guests). i love having people over and opening up my home. hospitality is one of my spiritual gifts, and i have not been using it. i think that i haven't been inviting people over, because i fear that the invitation will be turned down. i am afraid.

i am living in my fears rather than living in the grace and love that has been poured over me.

this is not who i was meant to be.

i need community.

my lease is up in march. while i am grateful for some of the things i have learned, and the ways i have grown by being on my own for two years, i think it's time for me to consider some other options. i started doing this around this time last year, and ended up staying here. i don't want to just find some random person to live with. i want to live in community. intentional community.

so friends, if you happen to think of me in prayer, pray that i find that somewhere, somehow.

Monday, October 20, 2008

homecoming, part 2

familiar faces, familiar places. fallen leaves and the crisp midwestern air. though at times i felt old being back in that place, seeing all of the students, being tired before cheap thrills even began, it was still good to be back. it is always good to be back.

anderson, you will always hold a place in my heart.

this was just what i needed.

Friday, October 17, 2008

homecoming, part one

here i am at 6:45am on friday morning. i just got out of the shower and i'm sitting in my towel because i can't decide what to wear. my windows are open, and so it is quite frigid in my home, seeing as it's only 50-something degrees outside right now. i look out my window and i see the green leaves (these particular trees don't 'color' well) and through their sparseness i can see the rolling hills and fog of the world to my east.

i had asked my manager to take half of today off so that i can get up to anderson in time for the l'ami alumni dinner, and she told me to just work from home this morning... not gonna argue with that.

i need to get dressed. i need to pack. i need to clean. i need to look up contract dates and monthly fees and other audit information.

but more than that, i need to escape. i need to leave nashville. i need to leave the big city. i need the open road. i need the friends and familiar faces i have not seen in so long. i need anderson. i need homecoming. i need the rest and relaxation.

homecoming always comes at the perfect time for me.