My One-Year "Nashiversary" (or, "A Post With Lots Of Parenthesis")

A year ago today I packed my car full - very full - of everything I figured I would need (want) until the truck could come later. Leaving room for my mom in the passanger seat and a small space for her own luggage, this did not leave me with much.

Nine hours (and 500 miles) later I was in Nashville, Tennessee. It was my first time here since I was a child (probably jr. high) on vacation with my family. Yet this was where I was determined to make my home, leaving behind everything I had known for the past 4 years (Anderson) and even farther from the only permanent home I had known (23 years in St. Joe).

One year ago I didn't know where I was going to live (aside from crashing at Stacy's until I found something). One year ago I didn't know where I would be working.
One year ago I only knew one person in the city.

One year ago. What a year it's been.

Here's to you, Nashville. You have welcomed me with open arms, molded me into a more confident woman, and have challenged me in ways I did not anticipate. And most importantly, I cannot imagine myself living in any other city at this point in my life.

Mmmmm

Sometimes all you need is a good cup of coffee to make everything seem better.

And this might sound silly, but I think coffee and the bible go perfect together. It's like soda with a pizza.

Cold Weather On The Horizon?

I'm looking forward to this weekend. It's supposed to drop all the way down to 92. And no I'm not being sarcastic when I say "drop all the way down". If it does get down to 92, it will be 12 degrees cooler than it was yesterday, and about 10 degrees cooler than it's been for about two weeks.

I have a feeling that 92 degrees will feel quite refreshing.

UPDATE - msn tells me it is currently 105 here, and that's before the heat index. that's the reading at the airport, which i happen to be across the street from right now (literally across the street from one of the runways).

other weather news from msn:

Today will be the 12th day with high temperatures of 99 degrees or more in Nashville. This is unprecedented in the record books.

Rainfall in Nashville so far this month has totaled 0.03 inches. The driest August ever was back in 1929 when only 0.51 inches fell.

Concerning the above, death seems to be all around me. I absolutely love fall, as I am sure you all know by now. But this is no fall. There has been no turning gorgeous reds and oranges. Just brown dead grass and brown dead leaves all over the ground. Even some of the "evergreen" trees aren't so green anymore. It's very sad.

But I have hope. Hope that God brings life to everything; that there is a cycle of seasons that is never ending. Relief is on it's way. There will be a fall and a winter and a spring and a summer and another fall for as long as this weary Earth lives.

on beauty, the german language, and heartache (sort of)

I'm sure you have all heard the word wanderlust before. When we take apart the word we have "wander" and "lust" - and the meaning then becomes quite clear. A lust for wandering. A desire to see the world. Because I've got nothing but time on my hands today, I did a little research into the root of the word. I previously knew that it was German-based, and lucky for me, I know a bit of German. What I learned today was that the German translation of 'wanderlust' sounds very old fashioned to native german speakers. This is understandable; there are a lot of words in the english language that sound old fasioned to us as well. What I then read is that the word can be retranslated into a more modern day German expression. This word is fernweh. When you pick apart this new word, it gives such a stronger representation of what is really felt when one has a sense of wanderlust. The German word fern translates to "far" and weh into ache.

Ache. So much more than just a longing. An actual physical ache to go far.

My heart at times physically aches to experience something that it never has before. To go somewhere new. To see beauty in strange places.

Upon some self-reflection I've realized two major things about myself. One is that I don't often say "no". It's not really one of those things where I feel like I need to please everyone or that I'll disappoint them by not going out to eat with them or what have you, but rather it's that I fear I'll be missing out if I don't go. I'm pretty easygoing anyway and I don't think there are many times when I say "yes" but I really don't want to do what it is. I'm usually fair game, unless whatever it is happens to be too expensive. But yeah, I don't like to miss out on things like quality time with friends and all the inside jokes or funny anecdotes that might happen when doing said activity. Deeper still, I don't want to miss out on life. I think this is a further reflection of what I said in an earlier post; I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my youth. Here I am: young and single and I could be doing so much in terms of living my life to my fullest and not being held down by anything (other than finances I suppose). But I'm not doing anyting. I go to work, and then I go home. Some days I go to a friend's house. That's about it. I think I missing out on so much more, and I hate that feeling, but I don't really know what to do with it.

The other thing I've noticed, and maybe these go hand-in-hand somehow, is that I don't voice my needs. I've discovered recently that one of my bigger love languages is touch. The reason I discovered this is because I haven't been receiving it that often, and I think that's why I haven't been as happy lately. So here I am, voicing a need: I need to be touched. Stacy herself brought up the fact that we don't hug very often. ("We" being her, myself, and her roommates). I don't think I really felt this need until recently because I was being touched all the time when I worked at the day care. Holding, hugging, and comforting the children. But now at my current job it's just me at my desk, and I talk to my co-workers but we aren't great friends or anything so we don't touch each other. I go home, where I live by myself. There's no one there to hug me, or to even tap me on the shoulder. I go days at a time without being touched at all. BTW - there have been studies on how lack of touch, especially in young children and the elderly reduces the quality of life and of their physical health.

Okay, that was a lot of insight into Holly.

Food For Thought #4

"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My command to persevere...' (Revelation 3:10).

Continue to persevere spiritually."

~Oswald Chambers, My Upmost For His Highest

A Random Collection of Thoughts

It's weird how smells bring back memories. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my youth. I have a small fear of rejection. Sometimes I take things too persoanlly. Sometimes I really miss having roommates. I tend to overact and become irrational about little things, such as receiving a phone call from an unknown number. I think I've been complaining a lot lately. I think it's weird how doing nothing can be so exhausting. I miss having a sense of community. I love the orange post-its on my desk.

To follow up from my last post, I know that I am a poor example of Christ.

Food For Thought #3

"I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God." - Don Miller, Blue Like Jazz

I was recently reminded how sometimes I don't like to call myself a Christian. The word has lost all of it's meaning in our culture. There are too many people who casuaully use it without realizing what it really means to be a "little christ"

Looking at what Christ did and spoke, I realized how there were only a few select moments that even He Himself claimed to be Messiah.

Maybe we are to take that approach. Maybe we're not supposed to run around and say "I'm a Christian!"

Maybe we're just supposed to do our best to worship Him always