Friday, August 10, 2007

Upon some self-reflection I've realized two major things about myself. One is that I don't often say "no". It's not really one of those things where I feel like I need to please everyone or that I'll disappoint them by not going out to eat with them or what have you, but rather it's that I fear I'll be missing out if I don't go. I'm pretty easygoing anyway and I don't think there are many times when I say "yes" but I really don't want to do what it is. I'm usually fair game, unless whatever it is happens to be too expensive. But yeah, I don't like to miss out on things like quality time with friends and all the inside jokes or funny anecdotes that might happen when doing said activity. Deeper still, I don't want to miss out on life. I think this is a further reflection of what I said in an earlier post; I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my youth. Here I am: young and single and I could be doing so much in terms of living my life to my fullest and not being held down by anything (other than finances I suppose). But I'm not doing anyting. I go to work, and then I go home. Some days I go to a friend's house. That's about it. I think I missing out on so much more, and I hate that feeling, but I don't really know what to do with it.

The other thing I've noticed, and maybe these go hand-in-hand somehow, is that I don't voice my needs. I've discovered recently that one of my bigger love languages is touch. The reason I discovered this is because I haven't been receiving it that often, and I think that's why I haven't been as happy lately. So here I am, voicing a need: I need to be touched. Stacy herself brought up the fact that we don't hug very often. ("We" being her, myself, and her roommates). I don't think I really felt this need until recently because I was being touched all the time when I worked at the day care. Holding, hugging, and comforting the children. But now at my current job it's just me at my desk, and I talk to my co-workers but we aren't great friends or anything so we don't touch each other. I go home, where I live by myself. There's no one there to hug me, or to even tap me on the shoulder. I go days at a time without being touched at all. BTW - there have been studies on how lack of touch, especially in young children and the elderly reduces the quality of life and of their physical health.

Okay, that was a lot of insight into Holly.

Food For Thought #4

"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My command to persevere...' (Revelation 3:10).

Continue to persevere spiritually."

~Oswald Chambers, My Upmost For His Highest

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