The following was written by my friend Audrey...
I saw it in your eyes the other day
It made my heart beat faster--to see you come alive.
For so long you've been INSIDE yourself
Trying to process everything that happened
Trying to turn off your mind
that continually asks, "What if I'd said?"
"What if I'd done?" "What if..." "What if..."
And the list goes on
Well, I'm not a fool
I've been there too
Don't feel. Don't think. Don't.
Because it's too dangerous...too painful
I have to be strong
I have to go on
I have to...have to...
get this thing out of me...
I'm walking by and you don't see
that I'm dying inside
Suffocated by this circular string of thoughts
Entangling me, choking me, until...
there's no breath left
I keep swallowing these lies
Gasping for air, but only finding water to fill my lungs
And if I keep going, MAYBE things will get better
The water will feel like air in my lungs
And I will breathe deeply in my drowning
Only to find-- it is my death.
And then I will scream,
only no sounds will come becasue there is no air left
So I'll stand there--being TOUGH
Putting on a good face
when really my knees are about to buckle and I'm about to collapse into the crippled posture in which my heart lies
I've been there
Just trying to survive
But thank God,
He's the breath of life
He'll evaporate the water
and make you breathe deeply the AIR
that is truth and healing
And then you'll truly have a reason for breathing
Because that's what He is