All nighters and the never empty coffee pot

"I have boogers in my nose, whoo hoo boogers, boogers, boogers." I just sang that out loud.

So yeah.. I think that November 30 is pretty dang good to be the first all nighter of the semester.

It's fun though... because I just got the caffeine kick from my first cup of coffee, and Jen's pulling an all nighter too.

And it's fun because Stacy started PMSing today and so she's very angry about things. Like her printer just ran out of ink so she is complaining that she'll have to wake up early to go print it off on campus before her class, when really that would only take 5 extra minutes. And her class isn't until 10. Now she just walked back into the living room with an evil look in her face and said, "do you guys have any change? I have a penny. It's a lucky penny, but it's not enough." But she said it with such HATRED!!! Now she just left saying, "I gotta look for that dime..."

Thanksgiving Break, Part III

So... Saturday night I believe is when I last updated. Went to Pishy's and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with her, Chris and Katie. Looked at C&K's wedding pictures - they turned out really nice. Uhh... spilled pop on Holly's floor came home and slept. It thundered. So much for the blizzard we were supposed to get a few days before. Today we (mom, grandma) went to Chan's Garden... yay for the best chinese ever! I brought some back with me. Then I got Spitty and we left. Came home and decorated the apartment and then roomies and I went to WalMart. Not too exciting, but it was a good break.



Oh... classes. Three more weeks. Then about 4 1/2 months and I'm done forever. I hope.

Thanksgiving Break, Part II

Thanksgiving day. Well, that night before I tried going to bed after updating this thing. I woke up at 2:30 am because it was so freakin' windy. Then I fell back asleep, but woke up again at 5:30am. So I knew at that point my mom was up (she always gets up around 5) and so I went down to the family room. I read for awhile and then started to get sleepy again and so I slept some more from 7:30 to 10:30. Then I helped get stuff ready for dinner and went and picked up my grandma.

Thanksgiving dinner: Mom, John (my brother), Grandma (mom's mom), Aunt Jan (technically my grandma's niece) and Uncle Frank (Jan's husband). It was good. We had the typical food (my favorite? cranberry relish). And then A. Jan and my mom and I played scrabble. I lost. Aunt Jan won.

Thursday night I convinced my mom to put up our Christmas trees. No lights or anything, we just put them up. Yes, it's pluarl (spelling?); we have one for the family room and one for the living room. Then we watched "White Christmas"

Friday - no shopping for me! I hate how crowded and crazy it is for all the sales, though the sales are good. So I spent the majority of the day with my mom getting all the Christmas decorations up.. well, most of them anyway. Then I went to Chocolate Cafe with Holly and Krista, then we saw Holly's klong yaw, which I played, it's a cool thing. And then we got Chris and Katie (yeah, they're married, what what?) and we all went to Steak 'n' Shake and then Meijer and then to Chris's parents' and watched something on National Geographic about exorcisms. Hmm. Bed at 2:30.

Today - finished the rest of the decorating. Lunch and WalMart with my mom and grandma. Got some groceries and some gloves. I wonder how C.S. Lewis would feel about the fact that there are Kleenex boxes with Chronicles of Narnia on them. Hmm... I have one, only because it came in a set of three, and the other two were non-Narnia boxes, and my mom didn't want the Narnia box. Hey, free tissues. We just watched "Because of Winn Dixie." It's basically one of the cheesiest movies ever, but my mom wanted to see it.

Sorry for the long post.

Thanksgiving Break, Part I

Last night was amazing. Went to the church with Rae, Ray, Erin, and Tim and started two journals. Saved Rae from disaster when she ran out of gas. Took crazy pictures with Christy. Crocheted while watching Along Came Polly with Christy. Went to bed at 2:30am.

This morning my cell phone woke me up when someone called me. It was Sara Spitters at 9:45 am telling me she was ready whenever I was. Apparently I forgot to turn my alarm clock on last night. So I looked out the window (as she told me to) and I was amazed by the fact that basically I was inside a snowglobe. It was beautiful. So I threw my stuff together and we went to Starbucks and headed home! Christmas music the whole way! It was amazing. Sara is amazing. Apparently she thinks some guy named Jonah is amazing. I think he thinks she's amazing too.

So then I came here and my mom and I had dinner and I crocheted some more. And then Krista and her grandma knitted while I sewed the book for B4F and then crocheted and we watched In America. Such a good movie.

Home. I agree with Nathan Parliament again. Is it fair for me to call St. Joe home? It feels like home when I'm here, at least to some degree. The house feels like home (though there have been drastic changes in wall color to one room and a new couch when I don't remember not having the old). Nathan said in the past 52 weeks he's been "home" for maybe 4 or 5 of them. I thought about it. I came home for Thanksgiving last year (5 days maybe), Christmas break (minus Jamaica was about 10 days), the weekend of my birthday (3 days), Easter (4 days), Mother's Day (3 days), a wedding (2 days), and fall break (1 day). 28 days. 4 weeks. The length of February.

Hmm.

I forgot how loud the trains are here.

Sestina (American Darwinist)
by Nathan Parliament

Mother quietly said, “God bled to heal.”
(She hoped my mended body might speak truth
and new veracity could free me of this dizzy wheel
as it tramples its way down busy streets
that would lead me astray far from the field
where God and my heart meet and stand still.)

What would I give to just breathe and be still?
I'd lose arm or leg. With time they'd both heal.
But nothing can spare me if I'm deaf to the truth.
Satan's lies twirl me ‘round. I’m the cyclical wheel
of corporate America. I plow down meager streets
killing starving millions. Pile them in fields!

Heap them high and let them rot in the fields
of forgotten faceless who in death are tacit still.
Oh zealous conscience! Age again will heal
these pangs of shame that scream for the truth
to be heard amidst the screeching wheels
that stop on the black hot newly paved streets.

I've paid good money to build these streets
that cover unsightly concreteless fields.
(Soaring expressways lead me further still
away from God and a peace that would heal
my lie-infested psyche of greed.) No truth,
only chance, as I spin the sparkling gold wheel

of fortune. Please Lord, please stop the wheel
on the Venetia vacation! Along shimmering streets,
gondolas will take me towards fresh dreams to field.
Dreams of rivers of Barolo to keep the heart still,
allow slit veins to convalesce and arteries heal.
Wine sends the mind swirling to distract from truth.

I prefer it over wisdom. I can't swallow truth.
I'd rather whirl around like a Ferris wheel,
floating high above the impoverished streets
of a dying world. But I'm drenched in the field
of science, and I'm growing greater still.
Redemption is dust. Like a starfish I'll heal.

I need not God nor truth, as by my own will I'll heal.
I invented the wheel and I built my own streets.
What has God made...vacant field and night still?

But, first, remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your ind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters. - C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

This entry is dedicated to Matt Conner.

"I want you to write about me in your blg. I like being in people's blogs." - M.Conner, 11/11/05

So... here it is, Matt.

Anyway... yesterday was a pretty good day. Matt Conner. I went to Overstreet's class and I actually liked it! Matt Conner. Faith and Worship was good too. Matt Conner. Oh at one point I went to Mocha Joe's. Matt Conner told me that I have a long, pointy tongue which meant I should get a mocha with half a shot of orange. History of Christianity was a good class too. Matt Conner. I went to work, yay for the babies!! Matt Conner. I got kisses from Jordan. Matt Conner. And if you don't know what a kiss from a baby is like, they just open up their mouth and stick it on your face. Matt Conner. But it's really cute. Matt Conner. I really love my job. Matt Conner.

--->That's Jordan

Came home last night and went to WalMart w/ the roommates. Matt Conner. Came back and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the new one with Depp). Matt Conner. Such a good movie. Matt Conner. It was my third time seeing it. Matt Conner. And I did some more knitting and crocheting. Matt Conner. Now I need to get to cleaning because I have company coming from home. Matt Conner.


---->That's Matt Conner

1. My uncle once: didn't exist, and he still doesn't because both parents are only children.

2. Never In My Life: have I closed my eyes while watching people run barefoot with shoes on under a full moon in the middle of the day in the winter, in July.

3. When I was five: I was in Kindergarten, I think. Letter people, Ryan Krukowski, Libby Templeton (who is coming this weekend!), Nikki Fleetwood. They were (and still are!) my friends.

4. High School was: almost five years ago!

6. I once met: a homeless man who recited a poem for me which he wrote, entitled "Graceful"

7. There's this girl I know who: has a heart for Africa. She grew up there, and she wants to go back, and live in Nairobi. And God is bringing so many people into her life who share her passion.

8. Once, at a bar: I ate some chicken wings (B-dubs. Never been to a "real" bar).

9. By noon I'm usually: in class. Either Education Ministry with Youth or Faith and Worship.

10. Last night: I ironed way too many clothes.

11. Favorite body part: on myself? My eyes. I like that they change color. On men? Their arms.

12. Next time I go to church: might be tomorrow night, might be Sunday, might not be either.

15. When I turn my head left, i see: my open door and the A/C unit closet. My TV, my dresser, my mess.

16. When I turn my head right, I see: my window, blinds shut.

19. If I were a character written by Shakespeare: I would not be Juliet. I would never kill myself because a man I met two (?) days before is dead.

20. By this time next year: I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing.

21. A better name for me would be: She-Letikah (another memory for Heather)

22. I have a hard time understanding: Dr Overstreet's text books.

23. If I ever go back to school I'll: only take classes I want, even if they aren't in the same department and don't add up to any sort of degree.

24. You know I like you if: I laugh really hard and not just give a fake smile.

25. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: Moses

27. Take my advice: never, EVER listen to anyone who doesn't care about Moses.

28. My ideal breakfast is: dependent on the day.

29. A song I love, but do not have is: not anything I can think of right now.

30. If you visit my hometown: watch the sunset over the lake, like Tricia said. But also, visit during the summer so you can enjoy the beach. But don't go to Silver, it's too busy. Go to the one whose name I can't think of, but there's a dune you have to climb to get to it, and it's just a narrow path up and then back down the dune.

31. Random fact: I'm going to Italy in 47 days!

32. Why won't anyone: invent the MTS? (Magical Transport System)

33. If you spend the night at my house: you better not wake up my roommates at 5:30 in the morning. They might get annoyed by it.

34. I'd stop my wedding: if I found out my husband-to-be was a robot.

35. The world could do without: those things that decorate the far end

36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat the whole thing.

37. My favorite blonde is: STACY LANTZ! By far.

38. Paper clips are more useful than: a guitar without strings, a codependant relationship, and nipples on men.

39. If I do anything well, it's: procrastinate.

40. And by the way: I burnt myself with the iron twice last night.

41. The last time I was drunk: was never.

42. If I were you: I would learn how to change back into me.

43. The best decade to live in is: besides now, the 40s and 50s

44. The last two digits of my phone number are: either 40, 19, or 86

45. My graduating class is: (of college) lucky to be the only class that gets to1) be the first with the Wellness Center, 2) be the first with the new Mocha Joe's, 3) and still get the bowling alley, and 4)the first to have Fair Commons

46. The best kind of parties are: the kind that Shane Claiborn talked about in chapel today

47. Ten years ago: I was 12... middle school... 7th grade... friends with Ellie (I still am friends with Ellie!)

48. The hottest person in the world: my future husband. Too bad I don't know what he looks like.

50. This survey: Is missing number 49 because I deleted it, because I know someone who would have commented on it no matter what I said, I don't want them to. Also, it's missing number 5 and I have no idea why.

It's been awhile since a "real" update. Right now I'm taking a break from laundering (clothes, not money) and putting away already clean clothes that, sadly enough, I've been procrastinating since basically September. Hmm.. yeah. Ha. Anyway, I had a good weekend with my mom and grandma, and this coming weekend I get to see Libby and Sue. Sue. So weird. Okay, lemme explain. When I was three I became best friends with Libby. We've grown apart since then in that we aren't best friends anymore, but we are still friends and we still get together once in awhile, and her mom (Sue) and my mom are really good friends. So for the past almost 20 years I've known these two people, and in the past almost 20 years I've always, ALWAYS called Sue by Mrs. Templeton. But this summer at a mutual friends' wedding (Heather!) she and my mom decided that we were old enough to call them Sue and Vickie (meaning Libby calls my mom Vickie. I still call her mom). What a weird transition.

It's funny how there are those little things that make you realize: oh yeah, I'm a grown up.

And then I try to think about people my age from my perspective when I was a child. I thought they were SO OLD!

Here's a story that my mom told me this weekend... she works at an elementary school, and there's a 6-year-old there named Jasmine. Here's their conversation:

Jasmine: How come you never got married?
Mom: I did! And I have two kids, but they're grown up. My son is 25 and my daughter is 22.
Jasmine: Wow! She must be old and wrinkly like you!

The funny part is that my mom isn't wrinkly yet haha but yeah... ahhh childhood.

Currently Reading
Through Painted Deserts : Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road
By Donald Miller


Two Don Miller quotes, marking that today he's here!

Describing a sunrise in the deserts of Nevada, "I can only hear a faint flow of wind slide down from the hills, rolling like water from high pressure toward some swirling low. The interestate slices through a field of sand before climbing into a distant pass behind me, and this desert floor, still dark with night shadows, lies flat for miles before giving rise to those sleeping peaks in the east. And the sand has the ghostly stare of a blank canvas, as if to hope something beautiful will be painted on its surface, as if to want for flesh. I press into the desert, aiming for a spot to watch the sun break. Every ten steps I check the east and it changes as I walk. Black gives to blue and it is a blue like no blue on any painting or picture. This is living blue, changing from one hue to another, shifting slowly the way color only does at morning. Spilled on the brown, then, are dry and shadowy lakes of deep, rich darkness; the absence of light. My tracks are laid out, marking my path, and as I look back, I see the van is now a small form beside a black threadlike strip. To the east, the first tint of red arrives in weak shades through overpowering blue. There are clouds now, and as the light comes in slow, the great vapors establish form; tall clouds with thirty--thousand-foot lifts. And though tremendous in size, they are guarded by the length and depth of a black-blue sky, held back by mountains. Morning lifts with her finger first, streatching her long bones into the clouds. Engaged, I set myself down on the cold morning sand, my hands besdie me and half buried in the frozen dirt. I pull them out, dust my hands against each other, and slide them into my jacket pockets. The black hills ghost to gray, revealing crags and cliffs lifting up toward their summits."

While watching the sunrise in Oregon, "And if these mountains had eyes, they would wake to find two strangers in their fences, standing in admiration as a breathing red pours its tinge upon earth's shore. These mountains, which have seen untold sunsrises, long to thunder praise but stand reverent, silent so that man's weak praise should be given God's attention."



I finished the book last night. I suggest all to read it.

The following was written by my friend Audrey...

I saw it in your eyes the other day
Hope
It made my heart beat faster--to see you come alive.
For so long you've been INSIDE yourself
Trying to process everything that happened
Trying to turn off your mind
that continually asks, "What if I'd said?"
"What if I'd done?" "What if..." "What if..."
And the list goes on
Well, I'm not a fool
I've been there too
SHUT-DOWN MODE
Don't feel. Don't think. Don't.
Because it's too dangerous...too painful
I have to be strong
I have to go on
I have to...have to...
get this thing out of me...
I'm walking by and you don't see
that I'm dying inside
Suffocated by this circular string of thoughts
Entangling me, choking me, until...
there's no breath left
I keep swallowing these lies
Gasping for air, but only finding water to fill my lungs
And if I keep going, MAYBE things will get better
The water will feel like air in my lungs
And I will breathe deeply in my drowning
Only to find-- it is my death.
And then I will scream,
only no sounds will come becasue there is no air left
So I'll stand there--being TOUGH
Putting on a good face
Being STRONG
when really my knees are about to buckle and I'm about to collapse into the crippled posture in which my heart lies
Yeah...
I've been there
Just trying to survive
But thank God,
He's the breath of life
He'll evaporate the water
and make you breathe deeply the AIR
that is truth and healing
And then you'll truly have a reason for breathing
Because that's what He is
Hope

I'm not a sermon writer nor am I sermon preacher. I just had to write a sermon for a class, and it's bad. I would probably never go to the church again if I heard it somewhere. Not because I disagree with it or anything, just because there's nothing there. But it's late at night and I need the grade, so I wrote crap.

Is it really November?

A lot of non-crap-like thoughts on my mind today, inspired by two seperate classes.



What is worship?

How do we worship?

Why do we worship?

Is the purpose of worship to be educated?

Is it possible to be educated during worship even if that's not the purpose?

What do we worship?

Is worship based only on experience?

Or theology?

Or both?

Or neither?