I ended up writing six pages in my journal yesterday while lying on the bed outside on the porch (okay, I just like to mention that we have a bed on our front porch hahaha... it's a GREAT place to lie and journal, especially when there's a nice breeze like yesterday). Anyway... here's part of my journal from yesterday... Well, actually let me set it up first. The majority of it is me summarizing what we talked about in my internship class yesterday and then also I quote from the Kieth Green book (which I finished and it's amazing) -

HE HAS NOT CALLED ME TO BE STABLE, STAGNENT WATER! I need to be the church for my community Monday-Saturday. What does that look like for me? I need to be the Hospitality of Christ. The first step is to recognize the hurt around me. How can I recognize the hurt around me when I'm ignoring the hurt within? I refuse to acknowledge that yesterday (Tuesday) I got a step-mother. How can I acknowledge the pain within when I ignore my Creator? I ache to have the relationship that Jacob had. He wrestled with God - walked away with a limp but in the process really knew who God was. Knew Him! I want the heart and passion of Keith Green! His community and faith were so real. I want to pray his prayer and make it my own heart's cry:

"We are nothing but dust. Our lives are not ours. Our bodies are not ours. Our future is in your hands. The Lord is making me ready to die completely - I don't deserve to live - so come Spirit of the Holy God - live inside of me. There is no joy left in life but to realize I am nothing and let God be what He is - all. Tears cannot express nor laughter his grace/gifts. I am his. Please [Holly]! Don't ever go back - look up. It's time to go. Control my life with your Spirit. Control the sheeps lives with your Spirit - and if you use me, let me give thanks to you!! For you're the only true God and Savior!! Hallelujah! Let me continue to grow less important to me. I am so blind. Help me see. My Jesus, please pour your strong life out on me because I've grown so hard, cold, and 'spiritual'. I'm almost dead... I need and desire to be close to you. I want it!! So bad! Just to please you. I need to know your heart, Lord. I don't want to be a Pharisee! Please God, you know I'm serious about this. Send your angel to answer." - Keith Green