Chruch thoughts...

During worship: Why did Christ die for people who deny who he is. I deny who he is through my actions. I wear two purity rings, but I am not pure. Why do we hide our sins from others? We should admit them and encourage each other and hold each other accountable. I just took off my purity rings. I will not wear them again until I have reached a closer state of purity (I believe that complete purity is impossible for us to reach in our world of sin - not purity of sexuality but purity of mind, heart, body and soul). Yes I am a virgin, but that does not mean I'm pure. (Also not being a virgin doesn't make you not pure.) I'm a Sunday morning (and Sunday-evening-during-bible-study and Tuesday-night-at-Matt's) Christian. I can't be that way any longer.

During sermon: I am broken. I haven't realized it, but I have been. This is why I haven't been myself. Why am I broken? I remember now that last fall I asked Him to break me. It is not until we are broken that we can be reshaped into what He wants of us. The sermon was partly about dying. Christ asks that we die so that in Him we can live. No that's not right. I don't remember exactly, and my explaining it will come no where close to what was really said and meant. I do remember that every morning we should die so that during the day we can live. Stupid emotional/spiritual highs. It needs to be EVERY FREAKIN' DAY... not a mountain top experience.

Looking back on previous posts...
Sunday, September 12, 2004

I pray that God will show me what areas of my life I have yet to sacrifice to Him. A painful plea, though I know it will result in great joy.


Friday, September 03, 2004



My main prayer for this semester is that I can get to know my friends on a deeper, more spiritual level (AU friends and SJ friends) and that I will be more open to people and be more willing to share of myself even if they don't share back. I pray that God will really use me, speak through me. I pray that I can fall so in love with Him that it will radiate through my entire being into my whole surrounding.

Monday, September 27, 2004

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everone. As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandela
Saturday, September 25, 2004



Amazing how a song written almost 250 years ago touches my heart and speaks the words within me so well...

Come thou fount of every blessing/tune my heart to sing thy grace/streams of mercy never ceasing/call for songs of loudest praise/teach me some melodious sonnet/sung by flamming tongues above/praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it/mount of thy redeeming blood/here I raise my Ebenezer/here by thy great help I've come/and I hope by thy good pleasure/safely to arrive at home/Jesus sought me when a stranger/wandering from the fold of God/He to rescue me from danger/interposed His precious blood/O to grace how great a debtor/daily I'm constrained to be/Let they goodness like a fetter/bind my wandering heart to thee/Prone to wander, Lord I feel it/prone to leave the God I love/Here's my heart oh take and seal it/seal it for thy courts above
Tuesday, October 05, 2004




"You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." ~Psalm 16:11, NLT


Saturday, October 23, 2004



Try to see the world as God sees it. It's not easy, at all.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005



I have been feeling really dry lately, I was expecting my mission trip to Jamaica to be this great eye-opening experience that would blossom my relationship with God and while it was an amazing trip and I met some great people I found myself totally forgetting that I was there to serve Him and to grow in Him and actually hardly even thought of God at all while I was there. I didn't really notice this until I got back and one of my friends asked me what God showed me on the trip and I had a hard time coming up with an answer. I know there are so many things that I saw and experienced that are of Him but I feel like I have been blinded from it and have come away with just a few new friends and a tan. And I also know that I need to read my Bible a lot more often because right now I really don't read it all that much at all, but at the same time I don't want it to become habit or duty. I also realized this morning that I have a lot of pride. Not pride as in I want people to see the great things I do or anything but pride in that I want people to think that I have an amazing relationship with God and that everything in my life is perfect. I feel like I just started on a new topic and that I stopped mid-thought but really I'm done so - the end!



Back to day, Sunday March 6... I feel like I haven't gotten much farther. I feel like my spiritual journey is at a standstill. I haven't grown since I don't know how long... maybe even high school. Sure I have moments of "Yes! I know what I need to do now!" and I'll say a little prayer and the next day totally froget about it. I remember someone once told me that they had a friend in college who he was still friends with and he would call him occasionally and ask "what has God done in your life today?" Not this year, not this month, TODAY. We should have an answer to that question every day. I don't want this to be another post where people leave a few comments, some saying they feel the same way, some saying thanks for sharing, some saying something totally unrelated. I want this to be a way for you all to keep me accountable. I want you all to be able to ask me that tomorrow, the next day, the next day, etc and I want to have an answer for you. I want to be able to ask you the same and you have an answer for me.

Our post-modern Christian culture is severely lacking accountability and being real. What is real anyway?