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Underneath [Limited Edition w/Bonus DVD]
By Hanson
- Believe

Okay, so it's the end of the school year. My third year out of high school, my second year at AU. Let's review, shall we?

LMC ~

I hated it. I hated everything about it. All I wanted was to be at Anderson, away from home like everyone else. All my friends were gone, away at school but I was stuck still at home with my mom not giving me the independence I felt I needed, the independence I felt I would have if I were away at school. Classes at LMC were not challenging, they were boring, and had terrible professors. I did not fit in at church. I couldn't go to youth group - and didn't really want to either, because it would have just been weird. And I did not fit in with the young adult ministry either because everyone there were significantly older than me, mostly married, and some had children, and so I felt like an outsider there. I was gaining no spiritual growth because of this. But then I get a job babysitting for seven, count them SEVEN!! kids for two hours every Sunday night at The Chapel, and in the process I get to know Krista a little better. So... she graduates, I finish classes, and we start to hang out more and more and more. We both do Warner Camp for both JH2 and KK3 and we're best friends. But then it's time to leave. She goes up to Calvin, I come down to AU... and I could not be any happier...

AU Year 1 -

So I had been warned by Kelm that the first couple weeks of school I'd be in my room, all alone, lonely and depressed. But then I'd have friends and it would all be good. So... knowing that, I wasn't really all that upset when I didn't do much. But I knew Jess from home, so I'd go over to Rice and see her a few times, met the girls on her floor, they're all cool, hang out with them on occasion but that's all. Then in my Intro to Bible class we have to get into groups to work on a project for later in the semester, and these two girls invite me to join them - Traci and Melissa. Turns out they already knew each other because they lived across the hall from each other. Well... next class, World Civ, Traci is sitting next to me because well we just met in our Bible class so hey we know each other. Her notebook says Martin 221 and I think "wait a minute!" Turns out Traci and Melissa are both on my floor and I didn't even know it. Later in World Civ we get into groups, Traci and I end up being in a group with Ryan, who I had known from Family Groups (orientation). So eventually, Melissa, Traci, Lisa (Traci's roommate), Ryan and I are all really good friends. I never hang out with Jess or the people on her floor anymore. Sometimes I hang out with Angie (Melissa's roommate). Umm... I grow, a lot. Not in the ways I expected either. One of my friends, who, for their privacy's sake I will not reveal, told me something HUGE that they were (and still are) struggling with and through that I struggled. Not with the same issue but with just a lot of emotions revolved around that. It was something that I had never encountered before and never expected to encounter, and then one day in late October out of the blue BOOM there it is. So through that it brought me closer to God in ways I didn't know you could be close to God. I realized that you don't HAVE to go to church every Sunday, you don't HAVE to be involved in everything at your church, etc. All you need is a willingness to have a relationship with your Creator and to continue to work on building it. (Although yes, being involved with church helps). Anyway, so those are my friends and they are the only people I ever did stuff with, but we did stuff ALL the time. Really fun stuff. Random drives at 3:00 am, Steak n Shake every night, Cracker Barrel on the weekends, roadtrips to Castleton and Noblesville, Wal-Mart hunting, you name it, we did it. So then towards the end of the year, umm long story short Melissa started being a word that I don't like to use. I'm not gonna go into details of how it all happend but the point is, it happened. (So much so that later in the summer Traci called me up and asked me to be her bridesmaid since Melissa wasn't gonna do it anymore). So.. yeah. Oh, and I knew Ryan wasn't coming back to AU the next year and I was upset about that b/c he really is one of my best friends and a brother to me and I knew I'd miss him like crazy. So I was gonna live with Melissa in Myers, until she started acting like that, so then Lisa was gonna be my roommate. Summer comes. Traci tells us she and Josh (her then husband.. well... almost, she told us the day before the wedding) were not coming to AU. Then a week later Lisa tells me she's not coming back to AU. The next day my dad moves out. But.. summer came. I got really involved with church stuff. Rock Solid at The Chapel and Intermission at FCOG - it was great, something God-related every day of the week and friends on the weekends. Hanging out with Chris, Katie, Jeff, Krista, and Holly. I came to the conclusion 2003 was the best and worst year of my life.

AU Year 2 -

I start the year lonely and sad knowing I'd have to start over with all new friends. And it seemed to take a lot longer than I expected. But then one day in November, it was 3:00 am and I was leaving Arby's with some people I had been studying with and it hit me "these people are my friends". Keri, Gene, Tabby, Jeremy, Erin, Meagan, and Jonathan. I had friends. It made me know that the rest of the school year was gonna be good. But.. I still was worried about who I was gonna live with for the next year (they all already had plans). So Christmas break comes, that was fun. I come back and Stacy and Sarah ask me to live off campus with them and DeeDee (ppl on my floor). I didn't know them all that well but I was like yeah of course! So we all start hanging out and end up really good friends. Looking for houses ect. But now we don't know if we can live off campus, so for now we're stuck in a dorm, and Sarah's not living with us anymore (no details. I don't have any details so therefore how can I post them?) Anyway, also the beginning of second semester I switch AUCME teams and end up with Jenna, Tif, Caroyln, Scott, Phil, Kip, and Brent. After a few trips and a few weeks of practicing with them I get to know them all pretty well (and by default of housing of course I know the girls a little better than the guys) but we're all friends and we're all (except Phil I guess) gonna be on the same AUCME team next year, so I'm excited. Throughout this school year, which is coming to a close, I have grown a lot. I have gained independence. I have over come comfort zones and made so many new friends that I wouldn't have known if the people from last year were still here. Sure I miss things about last year it was the greatest and I'll never have that again, and true this year hasn't been AS fun, but it's definately been a great year. And I wasn't able to enjoy it until I just learned to give it to God and to stop worrying about things and to stop comparing it to last year. So now I just having even more great friends and even more great memories and just.. yeah.. it's great!!! Thank you to everyone who's ever been there for me. This is a long post I don't know if anyone has actually read it but yeah. That's all.

(Lyric of the moment - "murder wears a friendly smile like the perfect end in a plastic vial no pain" - 'Believe')