"you don't get mad at a donkey for being stubborn and for being a jackass, because it's a donkey." - zac hanson
um... thanks?
Friday, November 14, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
days like today
they just make me smile on the inside.
it's overcast and cold, and i love it. it was the perfect day to go out for some soup at lunch, and come back to the office and enjoy a cup of coffee (or two or three).
as frustrating as my job is at times, today i am thankful that it is one where i can enjoy musical selections of my choice, one where i can im friends, and one where i can pause to make an entry in my xanga.
today is quite blissful.
on a side note, i was just listening to "In The Lost And Found (Honky Bach)" by Elliott Smith, and it made me miss playing piano.
it's overcast and cold, and i love it. it was the perfect day to go out for some soup at lunch, and come back to the office and enjoy a cup of coffee (or two or three).
as frustrating as my job is at times, today i am thankful that it is one where i can enjoy musical selections of my choice, one where i can im friends, and one where i can pause to make an entry in my xanga.
today is quite blissful.
on a side note, i was just listening to "In The Lost And Found (Honky Bach)" by Elliott Smith, and it made me miss playing piano.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
re-reading my favorite book...
"Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road" by Donald Miller
"I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
(emphasis mine)
i cannot tell you the number of times i have read this book over the past three years. countless. and each time, the above paragraph has resonated with me and touched something deep inside of me. today is no different than those other times, except that today i interpret it differently.
these excerpts are from the author's note. nowhere near the meat of the book, it's not even the beginning. when you have to pause and reflect before you even truly begin, you know what lies ahead will be great. and so, once more i embark upon the journey that is this book...
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children at play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God."
"I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
(emphasis mine)
i cannot tell you the number of times i have read this book over the past three years. countless. and each time, the above paragraph has resonated with me and touched something deep inside of me. today is no different than those other times, except that today i interpret it differently.
these excerpts are from the author's note. nowhere near the meat of the book, it's not even the beginning. when you have to pause and reflect before you even truly begin, you know what lies ahead will be great. and so, once more i embark upon the journey that is this book...
"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children at play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God."
Sunday, October 26, 2008
some thoughts as of late...
i need community. recently a friend asked me if i felt like i was slowly becomming an island. he was simply noting the fact that so many people at work have been quitting (himself included). but i don't think he realized how true those words were. he unknowingly spoke truth into my life in that moment, and it was all i could do to not start crying. this was more than just about some of my favorite co-workers quitting recently. i have become isolated. part of this is because i have been working long hours and at the end of the day i come home and either work more, or just close out the world and go to sleep because i am exhausted. part of this is because i haven't been opening myself up to those who i consider to be friends. am i afraid?
i am becoming an island.
and i hate it.
this is not who i was meant to be.
i need community.
about a month ago, i was talking with one of the friends who did move away. i had spent quite a bit of time at her house while she still lived in nashville, as i was friends with both her and her roommates. while talking to her, i happened to mention that in the two years i had known her and lived her, she had never been in my apartment. her response? "i was never invited." it dawned on me a little while later that i have only had one friend in my home in the past two years (with the exception of out-of-town guests). i love having people over and opening up my home. hospitality is one of my spiritual gifts, and i have not been using it. i think that i haven't been inviting people over, because i fear that the invitation will be turned down. i am afraid.
i am living in my fears rather than living in the grace and love that has been poured over me.
this is not who i was meant to be.
i need community.
my lease is up in march. while i am grateful for some of the things i have learned, and the ways i have grown by being on my own for two years, i think it's time for me to consider some other options. i started doing this around this time last year, and ended up staying here. i don't want to just find some random person to live with. i want to live in community. intentional community.
so friends, if you happen to think of me in prayer, pray that i find that somewhere, somehow.
i am becoming an island.
and i hate it.
this is not who i was meant to be.
i need community.
about a month ago, i was talking with one of the friends who did move away. i had spent quite a bit of time at her house while she still lived in nashville, as i was friends with both her and her roommates. while talking to her, i happened to mention that in the two years i had known her and lived her, she had never been in my apartment. her response? "i was never invited." it dawned on me a little while later that i have only had one friend in my home in the past two years (with the exception of out-of-town guests). i love having people over and opening up my home. hospitality is one of my spiritual gifts, and i have not been using it. i think that i haven't been inviting people over, because i fear that the invitation will be turned down. i am afraid.
i am living in my fears rather than living in the grace and love that has been poured over me.
this is not who i was meant to be.
i need community.
my lease is up in march. while i am grateful for some of the things i have learned, and the ways i have grown by being on my own for two years, i think it's time for me to consider some other options. i started doing this around this time last year, and ended up staying here. i don't want to just find some random person to live with. i want to live in community. intentional community.
so friends, if you happen to think of me in prayer, pray that i find that somewhere, somehow.
Monday, October 20, 2008
homecoming, part 2
familiar faces, familiar places. fallen leaves and the crisp midwestern air. though at times i felt old being back in that place, seeing all of the students, being tired before cheap thrills even began, it was still good to be back. it is always good to be back.
anderson, you will always hold a place in my heart.
this was just what i needed.
anderson, you will always hold a place in my heart.
this was just what i needed.
Friday, October 17, 2008
homecoming, part one
here i am at 6:45am on friday morning. i just got out of the shower and i'm sitting in my towel because i can't decide what to wear. my windows are open, and so it is quite frigid in my home, seeing as it's only 50-something degrees outside right now. i look out my window and i see the green leaves (these particular trees don't 'color' well) and through their sparseness i can see the rolling hills and fog of the world to my east.
i had asked my manager to take half of today off so that i can get up to anderson in time for the l'ami alumni dinner, and she told me to just work from home this morning... not gonna argue with that.
i need to get dressed. i need to pack. i need to clean. i need to look up contract dates and monthly fees and other audit information.
but more than that, i need to escape. i need to leave nashville. i need to leave the big city. i need the open road. i need the friends and familiar faces i have not seen in so long. i need anderson. i need homecoming. i need the rest and relaxation.
homecoming always comes at the perfect time for me.
i had asked my manager to take half of today off so that i can get up to anderson in time for the l'ami alumni dinner, and she told me to just work from home this morning... not gonna argue with that.
i need to get dressed. i need to pack. i need to clean. i need to look up contract dates and monthly fees and other audit information.
but more than that, i need to escape. i need to leave nashville. i need to leave the big city. i need the open road. i need the friends and familiar faces i have not seen in so long. i need anderson. i need homecoming. i need the rest and relaxation.
homecoming always comes at the perfect time for me.
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