it's always been there

[first of all i would like to thank jen for giving me permission to step away from my billing spreadsheet (the job that pays the bills) in order to blog while the spark is lit. and no, jen really doesn't have the authority, since we don't even work for the same company. but i'm running with it.]

it's been there all along. something i've been wanting for and praying for and trying to get. it's been there. i just didn't see it, because it's not what i thought it looked like.

and that's okay.

because he knows what he has given me, and he knows why he has given it to me, and for how long i will have it. all that matters is that it's there, and that i can finally recognize it as such.

so yes, again i might be vague as to what specifically i'm talking about, and i think that's okay too. because maybe it's something else for you, and maybe naming my thing would hinder you from finding something you've been looking for. i don't know.

but it's there. it's always been there.

just like the romance i prayed for last month.

(and sometimes it takes the strangest things to open our eyes.)

living my story

if you remember, in the beginning of february i began a great adventure of learning what my story is, and how to tell it. i started reading "to be told" by dan allender. and it's a great book, it really is. and i started learning a lot about myself, my community, friends, family, and creator.

i had planned to finish the book by the end of february.

but i didn't. and then march came. and went. and here we are, a week into april, and i'm still approximately 3/4 of the way through the book. because you see, something happened.

life happened. pieces of my story happened.

the past two months have been a whirlwind of activities, visitors, conversations with friends (new and old), and lots of story-telling. while i might not have yet figured out my story as a whole, i have been living, and telling, pieces of my story my whole life... and especially these past couple of months.

and april isn't slowing down. and i don't want it to.

a general ponderment* over brunch with a friend.

they never fall until they realize they are in the air.

you know. on cartoons. they always run off the side of a cliff and are running along in mid-air perfectly fine. but then they look down, realize nothing is supporting them, and it's in that moment that they fall.

i feel like this holds some sort of symbolism to life.

*i like to make up words.

identifying my boston(s)

back in '04, i was *sure* that after college i would move to boston and be a part of a church plant. well, that never happened. what happened instead was that moved to nashville, and, well, i'm still trying to figure out the rest.

which, for a brief moment, i thought maybe i knew what that was. but now it seems i was wrong. and upon realizing this, i was disappointed. and then i remembered boston.

you see, as cool as it probably would have been to do a church plant in boston, i am so in love with nashville (which you probably know by now). so much so, that i can't picture this time of my life in any other setting. i may have had my plan figured out, but god's plan was so much better.

and so, six years later (i feel old saying that) here i am with another plan slipping between my fingers. instead of holding on, i am learning to realize the beauty in letting go, and embracing what only god can orchestrate. this was just another boston.

food for thought

tonight, i give you a brief post, a quote from one of my lovely roommates, lyndsey:

"We're ALL human and the sooner we realize we're incapable of living up to our own unrealistic expectations of spiritual & moral perfection, the more productive we can be as a society & the more encouraging we will become as lovers of humanity."

i know, i know

i haven't been blogging much this month. i've been keeping pretty busy... all a good busy. the kind of busy where i'm not quite exhausted, but i'm definitely not bored.

and i've been fairly vague lately, but it's one of those things where it seems like the puzzle pieces are fitting together so perfectly, that i fear if i mention them, the whole thing will fall apart.

so for now, vague remains.

and for now, i prepare....

prepare for the weeks ahead full of visiting with old friends, making new friends, road trips, live music, and of course, coffee.

(un)expected romance and praying the wrong prayer

so, i'm single. really single. and i have been my whole life for a really long time. and there are times when that's really hard. but lately i've been reminded of the joys of being single. one of my best friends was just in nash this weekend visiting. she's been married for almost two years now. she absolutely adores her husband (and he adores her), and i couldn't be happier for them. but just the little things she said reminded me to embrace the freedoms of my singleness.

but sometimes that's hard. because i'm a girl. and as such, i want to be romanced. and then i remembered that i have a lover who knows romance like no other. and so i prayed this morning that god would show me his romance today. and he did, in a couple ways.

i prayed that prayer in the shower. when i got out of the shower and walked back into my bedroom to get ready for the day, i witnessed another gorgeous sunrise. and the birds were chirping. spring was definitely in the air. and in that moment i heard his gentle whisper: i.love.you.

and then this afternoon i went on my lunch break, and on the way back to the office, i turned the corner. the same corner i've turned hundreds of times before. when turning this corner, i go up a slight hill and at the crest of the hill is a stunning view of nashville's skyline. i've seen it countless times. but today, today it caught my attention in a new way. i was instantly reminded of how much i love this city, its people, and its music. and then he reminded me that he placed me here. he placed me in this city, provided me with a job, a home, roommates, friends, community, a church, and a love for music.

[sidenote: just as i turned the corner and saw nashville and thought of nashville and how much i love nashville, my ipod, on shuffle, started playing a song by seth philpott called.... nashville. how perfect. (sidenote's sidenote: you can get the song on brite revolution. check it out.)]

he loves me. he romances me. the gentle reminders of his love are there all the time. and when i realized that, i realized i prayed the wrong prayer this morning. i had prayed that he would show me his romance. but he already does that, whether i ask him to or not, whether i care to see it or not. what i should have prayed is that i would open my eyes and be more aware. and that i would love him back the way he deserves. he makes the birds sing, he makes the sun rise, he casts light onto the skyline of the city i love, he provides the perfect soundtrack. the least i can do is offer him my life.