sunday in church we talked a lot about conflict. i had always considered myself as one who tends to avoid conflict. but leave it to randy to turn things upside down on me. he started talking about how there are people who say they hate conflict and so they push everything down inside until if finally explodes. in the past he has used the illustration of trying to hold a beach ball under water... you can only hold it there for so long before it jumps back up and breaks the tension of the water's surface.
and that, my friends, is where i am in most of my relationships. obviously some relationships are healthier than others, but i can count several specific times when i have held everything down until i couldn't contain it any longer.
so there you have it. my confession: i need to learn how to confront in love.
a glass can only spill what it contains. what does my glass contain? love?
in other news, i want to congratulate my old* friend libby on her recent move. i it is a breath of fresh air to live in a place where you can really feel at home.
more on that next time... when i blog about my past three years in nashville.
*libby is not old. she's just an old friend. i believe we are going on 23 years of friendship now. crazy.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
30 (i don't remember six).
no, not the age. the people.
a new girl is moving into my house today. this makes 30 roommates that i have had. 30. kind of nuts. all since starting college.
1)shannon.
2)mariko.
3)stacy h.
4)deedee.
5)jenna.
6)lori.
7)heather.
8)leslie.
9)megan.
10)melissa.
11)stacy l.
12)audrey.
13)jen e.
14)jen b.
15)kristin.
16-21)i don't remember their names*
22)regan.
23)erin.
24)sarah p.
25)hilary
26)whitney
27)sarah b.
28)april.
29)emily.
30)krystal.
*i don't remember their names. the summer before i moved to nashville, i sublet my friend rachel's room for two months. there were seven other girls living in that house. i remember kristin, because we were acquaintances before i moved into the house and we had both gone on the trip to japan with our college. but i don't remember the names of the other girls, and as i think back (three years ago), i don't think i even knew all their names at the time. how horrible is that. i lived with these women for two months, and i don't know their names.
i guess that's all.
a new girl is moving into my house today. this makes 30 roommates that i have had. 30. kind of nuts. all since starting college.
1)shannon.
2)mariko.
3)stacy h.
4)deedee.
5)jenna.
6)lori.
7)heather.
8)leslie.
9)megan.
10)melissa.
11)stacy l.
12)audrey.
13)jen e.
14)jen b.
15)kristin.
16-21)i don't remember their names*
22)regan.
23)erin.
24)sarah p.
25)hilary
26)whitney
27)sarah b.
28)april.
29)emily.
30)krystal.
*i don't remember their names. the summer before i moved to nashville, i sublet my friend rachel's room for two months. there were seven other girls living in that house. i remember kristin, because we were acquaintances before i moved into the house and we had both gone on the trip to japan with our college. but i don't remember the names of the other girls, and as i think back (three years ago), i don't think i even knew all their names at the time. how horrible is that. i lived with these women for two months, and i don't know their names.
i guess that's all.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
hope enough (to make a grown man cry)
i've been thinking about hope a lot lately. in anticipation of writing this blog i went back and listened to the podcast of an old sermon from midtown (sidenote: i love technology.... by old i mean 19 months ago)... i re-listened to the first part of a 2-part sermon. i brought out my journal and looked over my notes from the first time i heard it. on that page i had written the phrase "hope enough".... i wrote the title of this blog entry before i pulled that journal out. "hope enough."
i had remembered that dave (the pastor) had played this music video - the song "glosoli" by sigur ros. and then he cried. this video represents hope to dave, and to myself. hope enough (to make a grown man cry).
i am not going to define hope for you in this blog. i think it is something we all need to define for ourselves. i will, however, give you a few of my favorite quotes regarding hope.
"hope is like the beat of that drum." (dave burden)
"i find hope and it gives me rest. i find hope in a beating chest. i find hope in what eyes don't see. i find hope in your hate for me." (hanson, great divide)
"we are prisoners of hope, y'all. you are going to die full of it. if you think you can escape it, and if you think there is something you can do to quench it, you're wrong." (dave burden)
"if hope were a person, it would be a child. no matter the tragedy, circumstance or misfortune, its true nature always seems to find a way." (taylor hanson)
"hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. you wait and watch and work: you don't give up." (anne lamott)
"every day of your life is a battle for hope." (dave burden)
"hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (proverbs 13:12)
hope.
hope enough.
i had remembered that dave (the pastor) had played this music video - the song "glosoli" by sigur ros. and then he cried. this video represents hope to dave, and to myself. hope enough (to make a grown man cry).
i am not going to define hope for you in this blog. i think it is something we all need to define for ourselves. i will, however, give you a few of my favorite quotes regarding hope.
"hope is like the beat of that drum." (dave burden)
"i find hope and it gives me rest. i find hope in a beating chest. i find hope in what eyes don't see. i find hope in your hate for me." (hanson, great divide)
"we are prisoners of hope, y'all. you are going to die full of it. if you think you can escape it, and if you think there is something you can do to quench it, you're wrong." (dave burden)
"if hope were a person, it would be a child. no matter the tragedy, circumstance or misfortune, its true nature always seems to find a way." (taylor hanson)
"hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. you wait and watch and work: you don't give up." (anne lamott)
"every day of your life is a battle for hope." (dave burden)
"hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (proverbs 13:12)
hope.
hope enough.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
whispers of who i am - the spider web.
i should probably start this off with a disclaimer -
i have a couple things that i need to say just to get them out of the way and help me focus on the main issue at hand. here they are:
a) it's storming. only a few short years ago i would have been pretty uneasy right now. i'm not sure what caused the change, but now i love storms. i'm hoping it lasts long enough for me to fall asleep to the sound. (let's be honest. it's almost 9pm... it doesn't need to last too long. 'cause i'm old. i have an early bedtime.)
b) i stumbled across this blogger named annie. today she blogged about her one-year "nash-versary". in a few weeks i will be looking at three years in nashville. her blog got me thinking about the past three years, and even more specifically the past year. more on this later for sure... probably on the date of my own "nash-versary" (8/20 if you're wondering).
anyway. onto the "meat" of tonight's blog -
over the past few weeks, randy (the pastor of my church), has been reminding us all that god speaks in still, small whispers. today, i heard his whisper.
as i was heading back into the office after my lunch break today, i saw a spider web. now let me just say for the record i am the biggest wuss when it comes to bugs. however, i looked at this spider web and saw beauty. and then i remembered a story i had heard several years ago. at the time (spring 2005) i was attending a church in muncie, indiana. one sunday morning, guy (the pastor) told us a story of when he was starting to question what god was doing with his ministry. here's a quote from the story as it is written on the church's website -
As a beautiful web began to emerge from what had originally appeared to be a random mess, he began to understand that there was something intentional this spider was doing. This thought broke his former line of questioning and he asked a new one: "God, how does this spider know how to create that precise web?"
And the still, small voice of God's Holy Spirit spoke clearly to him, "That spider is doing what I put within it to do."
"That's nice," he concluded, satisfied with the answer, but not making the connection. "But God, what have you called me to do? Are you going to do something here?"
God replied, "Guy, I shaped you and formed you in the '70s and I made you who you are. I put within you to do what I want done here at MAC. You're about to give it all up and throw it all away."
Later that overcast morning as he walked to the church from the parsonage, the sun was burning off the fog and up in a tree he noticed another spider web. This one was covered in dew drops and as the sun shone through it, the drops sparkled like diamonds. The brilliance caught his eye and in his heart, the Lord asked, "What do you think of this one?"
"It's beautiful, Lord."
"I put that there for you to see this morning."
(i suggest reading the full story here)
this afternoon i saw the spider web, and i was reminded that i am who god created me to be. i might not always like (or even know) what that means, but it's truth. i need to live in that truth. over the past several months i've been trying to remind myself of my own story, trying to remind myself of who i am. this is a journey that will likely never end, but i feel as though i finally embarking upon it for the first time. this spider web was a gentle whisper.
i have a couple things that i need to say just to get them out of the way and help me focus on the main issue at hand. here they are:
a) it's storming. only a few short years ago i would have been pretty uneasy right now. i'm not sure what caused the change, but now i love storms. i'm hoping it lasts long enough for me to fall asleep to the sound. (let's be honest. it's almost 9pm... it doesn't need to last too long. 'cause i'm old. i have an early bedtime.)
b) i stumbled across this blogger named annie. today she blogged about her one-year "nash-versary". in a few weeks i will be looking at three years in nashville. her blog got me thinking about the past three years, and even more specifically the past year. more on this later for sure... probably on the date of my own "nash-versary" (8/20 if you're wondering).
anyway. onto the "meat" of tonight's blog -
over the past few weeks, randy (the pastor of my church), has been reminding us all that god speaks in still, small whispers. today, i heard his whisper.
as i was heading back into the office after my lunch break today, i saw a spider web. now let me just say for the record i am the biggest wuss when it comes to bugs. however, i looked at this spider web and saw beauty. and then i remembered a story i had heard several years ago. at the time (spring 2005) i was attending a church in muncie, indiana. one sunday morning, guy (the pastor) told us a story of when he was starting to question what god was doing with his ministry. here's a quote from the story as it is written on the church's website -
As a beautiful web began to emerge from what had originally appeared to be a random mess, he began to understand that there was something intentional this spider was doing. This thought broke his former line of questioning and he asked a new one: "God, how does this spider know how to create that precise web?"
And the still, small voice of God's Holy Spirit spoke clearly to him, "That spider is doing what I put within it to do."
"That's nice," he concluded, satisfied with the answer, but not making the connection. "But God, what have you called me to do? Are you going to do something here?"
God replied, "Guy, I shaped you and formed you in the '70s and I made you who you are. I put within you to do what I want done here at MAC. You're about to give it all up and throw it all away."
Later that overcast morning as he walked to the church from the parsonage, the sun was burning off the fog and up in a tree he noticed another spider web. This one was covered in dew drops and as the sun shone through it, the drops sparkled like diamonds. The brilliance caught his eye and in his heart, the Lord asked, "What do you think of this one?"
"It's beautiful, Lord."
"I put that there for you to see this morning."
(i suggest reading the full story here)
this afternoon i saw the spider web, and i was reminded that i am who god created me to be. i might not always like (or even know) what that means, but it's truth. i need to live in that truth. over the past several months i've been trying to remind myself of my own story, trying to remind myself of who i am. this is a journey that will likely never end, but i feel as though i finally embarking upon it for the first time. this spider web was a gentle whisper.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
i'm sorry, so sorry.
i would like to apologize to.... well.... all two-ish of you who read this thing.
i did not blog at all in july. oops. it was kind of a whirlwind month. let me give you the brief lowdown.
a. 4th of july was fun. i got drenched, but enjoyed running around downtown barefoot in the downpour.
b. i dog-sat for a co-worker and stayed at her house as i did such. this lasted about a week and was sort of like a mini-vacation, just in that it put me in a semi-new environment for a bit.
c. those hanson guys were in town for two weeks mixing their album. ran into taylor and isaac at starbucks. fun times.
d. lots of trips to lots of coffee shops. i drank a lot of coffee in july. not that this is 'news' to any of you.
e. i'm starting to make journals again like i did in college. i'm hoping this will be a good creative outlet as well as a source of extra cash.
well. there was more than that but that's the gist.
in other news, let's look at what's really going on in my life right now. church was good this morning, and it provoked a conversation with my good friend erin at lunchtime. we talked a lot about finding that line between living in god's grace and the freedom that we have in him and becoming legalistic. i don't want to go into a whole religious spiel on here, but there are two definite extremes there. and along those lines i've realized this past month (as i have been importing, and thus re-reading, my old [read: 2004 and 2005] blogs) that i have become fairly cynical and jaded towards a lot of things. so i am going to try to spend the next chapter of my life uncovering why... what happened... where do i go from here... and with that, remembering (or maybe truly discovering for the first time) my story.
i did not blog at all in july. oops. it was kind of a whirlwind month. let me give you the brief lowdown.
a. 4th of july was fun. i got drenched, but enjoyed running around downtown barefoot in the downpour.
b. i dog-sat for a co-worker and stayed at her house as i did such. this lasted about a week and was sort of like a mini-vacation, just in that it put me in a semi-new environment for a bit.
c. those hanson guys were in town for two weeks mixing their album. ran into taylor and isaac at starbucks. fun times.
d. lots of trips to lots of coffee shops. i drank a lot of coffee in july. not that this is 'news' to any of you.
e. i'm starting to make journals again like i did in college. i'm hoping this will be a good creative outlet as well as a source of extra cash.
well. there was more than that but that's the gist.
in other news, let's look at what's really going on in my life right now. church was good this morning, and it provoked a conversation with my good friend erin at lunchtime. we talked a lot about finding that line between living in god's grace and the freedom that we have in him and becoming legalistic. i don't want to go into a whole religious spiel on here, but there are two definite extremes there. and along those lines i've realized this past month (as i have been importing, and thus re-reading, my old [read: 2004 and 2005] blogs) that i have become fairly cynical and jaded towards a lot of things. so i am going to try to spend the next chapter of my life uncovering why... what happened... where do i go from here... and with that, remembering (or maybe truly discovering for the first time) my story.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
this is why i love nashville
let me give you a run-down of the last weekish.
saturday:i woke up at the crack of dawn... scratch that... way before the crack of dawn, at 4am, to go help set up with ellie's run for africa. the run took place at percy warner park, and i had never been there before. i quickly google mapped directions and made my way out there, only to later discover that there are several entrances to the park, and i chose the wrong one. twice. i spent almost an hour driving around in the middle of the woods, and it was gorgeous, especially with the early morning fog all around me. i wish i had taken some pictures, but i was trying to hurry and find where i was supposed to be. anyway, i was assigned to help out with the inflatable games (moon bounce, slide, etc) but later they moved me to be one of the people standing on the running trail to make sure people went in the right direction, and to be there in case anyone got hurt. the run was quite the success; i believe somewhere around 800 were pre-registered to run, and they raised over $50,000 to help children in africa receive an education.i
they also had several booths setup where people could find other ways to help out with everything going on in africa. one of the booths was for mocha club, which i joined that day. i had been meaning to join for awhile, and i figured that was the time to do it. the idea behind mocha club is that you donate $7 - the price of two mochas - a month, and you get to pick which cause the money goes towards. one of the main spokespersons for mocha club is dave barnes, and so he was out and about at the run, and my friends and i ended up talking to him for a little bit after he had some fun in the moon bounce.
sunday: that same group of friends and i headed out to a bar/venue to see andy davis perform. i don't know how many of you are familiar with his music, but he is great, and to top it off he's one of those artists who is a million times better live, so if you ever get the chance, go see him. now, nashville is a big city, especially compared to the place where i grew up, yet it's very small town, especially in the music world. so guess who showed up to watch andy perform. his good friends, matt wertz and dave barnes. now remember, the friends i was with were the same friends who had just talked to dave the day before. there were a few moments of awkward eye contact where i'm sure he was thinking "those same four girls, again?" ha. but yeah. and while you're at it, be sure to check out jesse ruben and parachute, both of whom opened for andy.
monday:well, as you probably know, i am a hanson fan. however, what you may not know is that taylor hanson recently started up a side project with james iha (formerly of smashing pumpkins), adam schlesinger (of fountains of wayne), and bun e carlos (of cheap trick), called tinted windows. now, i don't hate tinted windows, but i'm not really a big fan either. i didn't buy the album, but i have listened to quite a few of the songs online and such. they had a radio show with a local station here on monday, and a few of my friends went. i met up with my friends at the radio station after the show (and saw taylor running away for a minute when i showed up, ha) and we headed out to dinner. long story short... we went to the bar downtown which sponsored the show, and eventually adam and james showed up. they didn't stay for long and i didn't get to talk to them at all, but how many people can say they were in a bar with james iha?
wednesday: some friends and i braved the storms (read: tornado sirens were going off all evening) to go see curtis peoples do a short little (free) performance. i guess this was some sort of retreat for songwriter's to get their songs on tv shows and in movies, and it's going on all week. it was a showcase, so he only played about four songs, and several other people performed, but we just went for curtis and left as soon as he was done. another great show.
well... i guess that's enough name dropping for now. i love nashville.
saturday:i woke up at the crack of dawn... scratch that... way before the crack of dawn, at 4am, to go help set up with ellie's run for africa. the run took place at percy warner park, and i had never been there before. i quickly google mapped directions and made my way out there, only to later discover that there are several entrances to the park, and i chose the wrong one. twice. i spent almost an hour driving around in the middle of the woods, and it was gorgeous, especially with the early morning fog all around me. i wish i had taken some pictures, but i was trying to hurry and find where i was supposed to be. anyway, i was assigned to help out with the inflatable games (moon bounce, slide, etc) but later they moved me to be one of the people standing on the running trail to make sure people went in the right direction, and to be there in case anyone got hurt. the run was quite the success; i believe somewhere around 800 were pre-registered to run, and they raised over $50,000 to help children in africa receive an education.i
they also had several booths setup where people could find other ways to help out with everything going on in africa. one of the booths was for mocha club, which i joined that day. i had been meaning to join for awhile, and i figured that was the time to do it. the idea behind mocha club is that you donate $7 - the price of two mochas - a month, and you get to pick which cause the money goes towards. one of the main spokespersons for mocha club is dave barnes, and so he was out and about at the run, and my friends and i ended up talking to him for a little bit after he had some fun in the moon bounce.
sunday: that same group of friends and i headed out to a bar/venue to see andy davis perform. i don't know how many of you are familiar with his music, but he is great, and to top it off he's one of those artists who is a million times better live, so if you ever get the chance, go see him. now, nashville is a big city, especially compared to the place where i grew up, yet it's very small town, especially in the music world. so guess who showed up to watch andy perform. his good friends, matt wertz and dave barnes. now remember, the friends i was with were the same friends who had just talked to dave the day before. there were a few moments of awkward eye contact where i'm sure he was thinking "those same four girls, again?" ha. but yeah. and while you're at it, be sure to check out jesse ruben and parachute, both of whom opened for andy.
monday:well, as you probably know, i am a hanson fan. however, what you may not know is that taylor hanson recently started up a side project with james iha (formerly of smashing pumpkins), adam schlesinger (of fountains of wayne), and bun e carlos (of cheap trick), called tinted windows. now, i don't hate tinted windows, but i'm not really a big fan either. i didn't buy the album, but i have listened to quite a few of the songs online and such. they had a radio show with a local station here on monday, and a few of my friends went. i met up with my friends at the radio station after the show (and saw taylor running away for a minute when i showed up, ha) and we headed out to dinner. long story short... we went to the bar downtown which sponsored the show, and eventually adam and james showed up. they didn't stay for long and i didn't get to talk to them at all, but how many people can say they were in a bar with james iha?
wednesday: some friends and i braved the storms (read: tornado sirens were going off all evening) to go see curtis peoples do a short little (free) performance. i guess this was some sort of retreat for songwriter's to get their songs on tv shows and in movies, and it's going on all week. it was a showcase, so he only played about four songs, and several other people performed, but we just went for curtis and left as soon as he was done. another great show.
well... i guess that's enough name dropping for now. i love nashville.
Friday, June 12, 2009
on growth.
allow me to preface this with an obligatory apology for my lack of recent blogging: i'm sorry. there. that's done. moving on.
over the past few weeks i've been thinking about the past year or so, and i am beginning to realize how much i've grown since last summer. i feel as though i have grown significantly in all areas of my life: emotional, professional, spiritual, social. the two biggest areas i think would be professionally and socially.
professionally: without boring you with work info, i'll just say that the majority of the things i do on a daily basis now, didn't even exist a year ago, and some of i am proud to say i came up with on my own. while i don't necessarily have a passion for what i do, i don't hate it and it does interest me, at least a little bit. i am seriously considering taking up an accounting class or two (on the company's dime, of course). as far as the company goes... while we've had our ups and downs, i am still very thankful that i found this job. i have met some great people working there, and there is never a lack of entertainment in the office. and getting to work from home two days a week is a definite bonus. also, my two-year anniversary with the company is coming up in a couple weeks. crazy.
socially: a year ago, i would go to work, come home, talk to my friends in indiana, and go to sleep. that's about it. very rarely would i go out with anyone. i had a few good friends move away at the end of summer, which made it even harder. in the winter i was ready to give up, quit, and head back home or back to anderson. as soon as i made the decision to stay, things seemed to make a 180 turn. i have since met several new friends, and the old friends i had i am forming even closer relationships with. i finally have gotten involved in my church, and that has made a world of difference. one of the friends who moved away last year is back. and most importantly, the move from my isolated antioch apartment to my awesome house on belmont has made a huge difference.
i am very happy with life right now, and i couldn't say that six months ago.
over the past few weeks i've been thinking about the past year or so, and i am beginning to realize how much i've grown since last summer. i feel as though i have grown significantly in all areas of my life: emotional, professional, spiritual, social. the two biggest areas i think would be professionally and socially.
professionally: without boring you with work info, i'll just say that the majority of the things i do on a daily basis now, didn't even exist a year ago, and some of i am proud to say i came up with on my own. while i don't necessarily have a passion for what i do, i don't hate it and it does interest me, at least a little bit. i am seriously considering taking up an accounting class or two (on the company's dime, of course). as far as the company goes... while we've had our ups and downs, i am still very thankful that i found this job. i have met some great people working there, and there is never a lack of entertainment in the office. and getting to work from home two days a week is a definite bonus. also, my two-year anniversary with the company is coming up in a couple weeks. crazy.
socially: a year ago, i would go to work, come home, talk to my friends in indiana, and go to sleep. that's about it. very rarely would i go out with anyone. i had a few good friends move away at the end of summer, which made it even harder. in the winter i was ready to give up, quit, and head back home or back to anderson. as soon as i made the decision to stay, things seemed to make a 180 turn. i have since met several new friends, and the old friends i had i am forming even closer relationships with. i finally have gotten involved in my church, and that has made a world of difference. one of the friends who moved away last year is back. and most importantly, the move from my isolated antioch apartment to my awesome house on belmont has made a huge difference.
i am very happy with life right now, and i couldn't say that six months ago.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)