oy.

this week has been.... odd. hahaha. crazy schedules, working early, leaving work early, working late, working from home, out of town guests, unexpected emails...

just.. odd. but good.

it shouldn't be this hard, should it?

i am reminded again today that none of this is in my hands. as much as i like to think otherwise, i do not control my life, no do i have the power to change my life (only the gospel has the power to change my life). everything is in god's hands. in my human sinful nature i can't help but be angered by this and frustrated to know that ultimately it's not up to me. i can strive to make things happen the way i want them to, but until i allow my will to reflect that of the one who knows best, that cannot happen.

and though easier said than done, i need to remember that it's better this way. god understands my needs and desires much more than i do.

sometimes i can't help but think that he gets a little chuckle out of my futile endeavors.

the path to self-discovery.

i found myself today.
i was in nashville.

well

it's done, but it's not over.

music

thnk you, der music, for speking the words tht i cnnot find for myself.

(my pplogies for my keybord, which went ll crp-like gin)

change...

an unexpected change is happening. it's not even my change, it's someone else's change, but like the movie the butterfly effect it does inevitably effect me somehow. most recently, it's made me realize that i am not who i thought i was all this time. i can speak my feelings, i can be strong, i have no reason to hide.

this probably doesn't make sense unless you know what i'm talking about. you probably don't know what i'm talking about. it probably needs to stay that way.

happy official no-work day!

so, it's the day before a long-weekend, so i'm not working.

i'm at work, but i'm not working.

robin, my manager, is on vacation and she emailed us telling us that we could leave early today. she never gave a specific time that we could leave, so i'm just not working at all. i could leave now, since it IS almost 2:00, but i'm stuck here anyway because amber and i are going up to indiana together, and her department did not get permission to leave early.

so i'm writing on my xanga and i have nothing to say really.

so far today, i did do a little bit of work (approved and denied a few contracts), went to the mall for an hour (lunch break), walked around the office talking to other people, visited with people who came into the accounting office, wrote on a few facebook walls, made bryce do some non-work related photoshopping, watched some youtube videos, IM'd a few people....

yeah. i guess that's it. happy no work day!